Patti, You're Fired!

COMMENTARY: Coffee, bowling league issues

The Chicago Christian Industrial League fired Patti Blagojevich this week from her $100,000-a-year job there as a fundraiser. The CCIL wouldn't say why they fired Patti B., but the Beachwood Blago Bureau has learned that her supervisors and co-workers simply could not tolerate the following behavior:

- Kept making real coffee in the decaf container.

- Stole black running suit from the used clothing bin.

- Insisted she paid entry fee for office bowling team but league says they never received it.

- Tried to name homeless man named Chuck the director of the state highway department.

- Tried to get homeless clients to appear at husband's press conferences.

- Gave a lump of coal as her office Secret Santa gift.

- Tried to turn homeless man named Barry into her intern; made him pick up her dry cleaning.

- Organized soup kitchen seating according to precinct without permission.

- Tried to subcontract her work to campaign contributors.

- Totally couldn't do math.

- Vulgar language unacceptable in the workplace.

- Canceled office subscription to the Tribune without telling anyone.

- Still owes money in the office football pool.

- Drew mustache and devil horns on the office Obama photo.

- Tried to sell real estate to homeless clients for no money down.

- Insisted on finder's fees for every homeless client she brought in.

- Kept accepting prison phone calls from a guy named Tony.

- Kept suggesting the industrial league appeal to high-end clients instead of the homeless.

Cross-posted at The Beachwood Reporter.

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