Pat Quinn begins his first full week as governor of Illinois today. Here's what you can expect.
- Finds a toupee Blago left behind in the governor's desk. Tries it on.
- Announces plan to lease State of Illinois Building to Ringling Bros.
- Orders ghost employees to show up to work at least three days a week.
- To save money, moves the state's website to Blogger.
- Open road tolling becomes.
- Holds press conference to tell media use of "The Mighty Quinn" in headlines has grown tiresome.
Local
- Buys replacement "Q" that Blago removed from the governor's official laptop.
- Red phone to Tony Rezko re-routed to Quinn's mother.
- Agrees to be the one to stay home at the Governor's Mansion on Thursday between 1 p.m. and 4 p.m. to let the guy in to read the gas meter.
- Announces plan to save money by removing the silent "s" from Illinois.
- Rejects offer to appear on Saturday Night Live this weekend because he's already committed to a local public-access show.
- Sheepishly admits he used the state bike for personal business.
- Pressures state casino owners to add gin rummy to their menu of games.
- Enrolls state in Office Depot rewards program.
- Sends Lisa Madigan on fact-finding mission to Iceland.
Steve Rhodes is the editor and publisher ofThe Beachwood Reporter.
