Bailing Out Chicago

What Oprah, Cubs, Springer want

Now that the porn industry is asking for a federal bailout, the floodgates have opened; NBCChicago has learned that the following local industries are also seeking bailouts from the incoming Obama administration:

* Cubs fans. They just can't do it on their own anymore.

* Patrick Fitzgerald's public corruption unit. Due to high caseloads, he ran out of money long ago; he's been juggling the cost of investigations on his credit cards since the George Ryan trial.

* Heinz. Lack of ketchup use on hot dogs in Chicago continues to hamper sales in this market.

* Tribune Company. Unique request simply asks federal workers to click on their Google ads hundreds of times a day.

* Connie's Pizza. Oprah's new diet could put them out of business.

* Jerry Springer. No reason to attend the show anymore now that the deteriorating economy has made everyone's life a socioeconomic mess.

* Todd Stroger. Times are so tough he can't afford to hire more relatives without federal subsidies.

* University of Chicago. Demanding compensation now that Obama has depleted its ranks by naming half its faculty to his administration.

* Bobby Rush. If the federal government doesn't give him money, it's because he's black.

* The Billy Goat. Hit hard by perfect storm of reporter layoffs and decline in tourism.

* Ed Genson. If Blagojevich can't pay him, someone has to.

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