A Completely Fictional Guide To Indianapolis
Imaginary places you MUST visit
Lucas Oil Stadium will host Super Bowl XLVI in Indianapolis.
Drew Magary writes sports commentary for Deadspin, Maxim, GQ and is the author of "The Postmortal."
Greetings, Super Bowl visitor! Welcome to the Hoosier State! I know many of you are skeptical that a city like Indianapolis can be as fun as traditional Super Bowl cities like San Diego or New Orleans, but you're WRONG! There's plenty of fun to be had in the greater Indianapolis area.
Now, I'm not from Indianapolis. In fact, I've never been there, but let's take a fictional tour. Here are a couple of things I'd sure like to see there:
- Bob Knight Reflecting Pool. Located a mere stone's throw away from the Colts' new stadium, the Bob Knight Reflecting Pool would gives visitors a moment to sit quietly and reflect upon Coach Knight and his teachings. Also, there are chairs for you to throw in the pool if you get mad for any reason. The ripples made by the chair when it hits the pool remind you of the impact one man can have.
- Pawnee. Visit the greatest town in Indiana! Featuring the world's smallest park, the Lil Sebastian memorial, and Ron Swanson's woodshop. Then drop by the Snake Hole for a round of Snake Juice shooters.
- Peyton Manning Face. Take a gander outside Colts' headquarters and you might find the future Hall of Fame quarterback standing and staring at the collapse of everything he ever held true and dear. How did it all fall apart so quickly? WHAT THE HECK, YOU GUYS?!
- The Indianapolis Mall. They would say there's a little bit of Rodeo Drive inside these hallowed walls. I could see it as the spot where Elaine Irwin finally decided to leave John Mellencamp.
- The Indiana Pacers. Well, these guys do actually still exist! I swear it's true!
ENJOY YOUR SUPER BOWL WEEK IN INDIANAPOLIS.