For years the Sun-Times has run a series called "Why Is He Driving?" in which reporters stake out area courthouses and track folks who have just seen the judge for driving without a valid license as they get back in their cars and drive off.
The targets are alternately defiant and apologetic, with lives that are often stories unto themselves. Today's featured driver, though, may be the new best "Why Is He Driving?" yet.
Meet Mister Oldskool.
"Decked out in a purple suit coat and purple shoes, David B. Johnson appeared before a judge in the Markham courthouse last month on his 13th charge of driving on a suspended license," the paper reports.
"At that Jan. 23 hearing, Judge Christopher Donnelly sentenced Johnson to 10 days in jail beginning Feb. 6. The judge also sternly warned him not to drive his car before then."
Perhaps you can see where this is going.
"Johnson donned his purple fedora and full-length fur coat and walked out of the courthouse to his purple 1988 Cadillac. The dashboard of the immaculate four-door sedan had a placard that said 'PIMP PLAZA' and the rear spare-tire cover was stenciled 'Mister Oldskool'."
And now comes the crowning touch that puts Mister Oldskool over the top and into our hearts -- though we know what he's about to do is wrong.
"Johnson pulled out a feather duster -- purple, of course -- and cleaned off his car for about five minutes," the article reads. "Then he drove away -- with a bevy of female onlookers hooting and hollering to him."
The only thing Oldskool did wrong in our book (and this is just some constructive criticism) is that he should have had a valet dust off his car for him.
Rest assured, some measure of justice was done.
Oldskool was hauled back before the judge, who was not amused.
"It took you exactly 22 minutes to violate my order," he said.
Johnson was sent to Cook County Jail in lieu of $10,000 in bail money. Not sure if they let him bring his feather duster in with him.