* Oh. My. Lord.
... and the Iraq and such as.
* 62% of people report sexual tension in their opposite-sex friendships. The other 38% are gay.
* Someone is offering Amy Winehouse $800,000 to create her own perfume. The challenge will be distilling the essence of ashtray, armpit and tooth decay.
* "Mad Men" yourself. (I hear that show is awesome. Never seen it.)
* "Don't taze me, bro!"
"Don't taze me, bro!"
"Don't taze me, bro!"
* 46% of Americans are more likely to buy a Ford because they didn't need a bailout. But the Ford family owns the Detroit Lions, and they totally suck. Do you really want to let such deranged people build the car you'll drive your family in?
* TiVo Alert! That dating show about fat people debuts tonight. Instead of a rose, this bachelor hands his ladies a can of frosting.
* Of all the drunken idiots, Penn State has the drunkenest idiots ever.
* Handwriting is dying. In my case, it's more of a mercy killing.
* Those dancing Filipino prisoners are at it again. Think Andy and Red would've been so glum if Shawshank put on a musical number every now and then?
* Young French women are no longer sunbathing topless. Between this and Dalet, the French are really getting me where it hurts lately. (Inside newsroom joke.)
* "When you do background checks on candidates, do things like public drunkenness arrests come up?"
* Women watch porn now. Apparently this happened while I was sleeping. What year is this?
* Everybody's new favorite blog: TextsFromLastNight.com
* Sex in a lightning storm: Awesome or scary? (If you said, "Depends who with?" congratulations on your shallowness.)
* What's with the creepy old dude in those Six Flags commercials? Is it wrong that I want to attack him with a shovel, not so he dies immediately, but so he slowly bleeds out?
* Bach is to graffiti artists as garlic is to vampires.
* There are two kinds of single women: Those who refuse to go out with me and those who merely laugh at me when I ask them out.
* Scientists create bacteria that can solve math problems. What could possibly go wrong?
* Today's reason for airline panic: The smell of coffee.
* Since when did Madonna have her arms replaced with gnarled driftwood?
