Chico, don’t be discouraged,
Emanuel ain’t so hard to understand.
Chico, wait ’til springtime,
When Emanuel is on the witness stand.
Emanuel’s got ten million bucks
But his name’s not on the ballot box
You’re the one with all the luck in this race.
Meanwhile, the cash is still flowing
Oh yes it is for Chico and Emanuel
Yes it is for Chico and Emanuel.
(INTERIOR: An empty campaign office in the Chicago Loop.)
EMANUEL: Chico! Get the heck in here!
(CHICO enters. Applause from the studio audience.)
CHICO: What is it, Rahm?
EMANUEL: Chico, I saw that video of you vacuuming your office, and I want to hire you to clean my campaign headquarters.
CHICO: Rahm, just because I’m…
EMANUEL: I’ll pay you $9.25 an hour. That’s a dollar above minimum wage. When I was growing up in Wilmette, my mother always paid the maid and the lawn guy a dollar above minimum wage. I was raised in a tradition of social justice.
CHICO: Listen, Rahm, I know you were raised in a certain place and time, but this isn’t the North Shore in the 1970s. Latinos can do more than vacuum the floor and mow the lawn.
EMANUEL: But I saw that video. You looked like you’d been born behind that vacuum cleaner.
CHICO: Let me tell you something about myself, Rahm. I’m a lawyer. I got my start when a local ward boss gave me a job on the City Council’s Finance Committee. After that, I ran the school board. Then I ran the park district. Since then, I’ve been using my political contacts to make millions of dollars.
EMANUEL: That’s how I got rich!
CHICO: Exactly. And I’m not the only kid from the barrio who knows how to play the game. Joe Berrios raked in the bucks from lawyers whose cases he heard at the Board of Review. I may not have made $16 million, but look at the size of this watch.
EMANUEL: Nice. I owe you an apology, Chico. I guess we’ve got a lot more in common than I thought. We’re both Daley machine insiders who’ve been completely compromised by money.
CHICO: If you’re looking for someone to clean your office, ask Miguel del Valle. He can use the dough.
EMANUEL: I will. Now let’s get out there and see which one of us can buy this election.
(They shake hands.)
CHICO: May the richest man win.
EMANUEL: I’ve still got you there.