Filed under: AFC East, AFC North, AFC South, AFC West, NFC East, NFC North, NFC South, NFC West
Road Chalk and Alaskan Pipelines is Will Brinson's weekly NFL gambling column at FanHouse. Because everyone loves a loser.
I don't expect to be perfect every week. In fact, I rarely expect to be good. But Ed Hochuli ... you are killing me, sir. Anyway. We've chatted enough about that little debacle enough already, haven't we?
Besides, it's more fun to talk about things that are positive in nature ... like me being 3-0 this week on the STONE COLD TUNGSTEN PIPERS (shown with asterisks). That's right, Brandon Lang (*cough*0-3*cough*), bring it.
Overall, however, not as well, only going 8-7. But hey, we're slowly climbing back up the ladder of mediocrity, checking in with a season record of: 14-17. Woo.
Sports
Kansas City Chiefs @ Atlanta Falcons (-6)
I feel like the "Loser Bowl" starts us off every week, for whatever reason. Might wanna work on that, BoDog. The beauty of this FAIL-fest, is that the freaking Falcons are going to be 2-1 once it's all said and done. Additionally, we should be just about finished writing up the eulogy for Larry Johnson's fantasy career by the time the 4:15 games kick off.
Falcons -7
Oakland Raiders @ Buffalo Bills (-9.5)
Well, glad Vegas got on the Bills bandwagon ... after I did. Or maybe we're just all staying as far away from Oakland as possible. Marshawn Lynch FTW this week, including an outing that will approximate to 175 total yards and two touchdowns. I'll also go ahead and set the over/under on number of times DeAngelo Hall draws a flag while guarding Lee Evans at four.
Bills -9.5
Houston Texans @ Tennessee Titans (-5.5)
Talk about a tough game to predict. In the middle of dealing with the Hurricane Ike aftermath, the Texans head out on the road to face the Titans, a team and city for whom Houston, um, doesn't really care. Also, I think everyone's a bit down on Houston just because they got throttled by the Steelers, who look awesome at this point.
Texans +5.5
Everyone smile and say 'Microcosm!'
Cincinnati Bengals @ New York Giants (-13.5)
My goodness. I mean, wow, that line is large. It's not that I'm so shocked at how good the Giants are (lie #1) or that I forgot how ridiculously easy their early schedule is (lie #2) or that I'm willing to take a 14 point favorite (lie #3). Really the only truthful thing about this matchup is that we should have seen it coming after the Bengals re-signed Chris Henry.
Giants -14
Arizona Cardinals @ Washington Redskins (-3)
See, it's Arizona's consistently disappointing nature that allows them to be dogs here. Or perhaps a Washington squeak by against the Saints. Or maybe the fact that the Cardinals haven't played anyone this year. Still, I believe in them. And really, that's all that matters.
**Cardinals +3**
Miami Dolphins @ New England Patriots (-13)
If it were more than two touchdowns, I'd take the Dolphins. But yeah, it's not. So, instead of trying to justify a reason for taking the Dolphins. But that seems fairly futile. I actually think they have a decent chance of covering, because they usually play the Pats pretty tough, but, again, yeah. No.
Patriots -13
Tampa Bay Buccaneers @ Chicago Bears (-3)
Orton! Griese! It's an NFL picks column by a blogger!
Bears -3
Jacksonville Jaguars @ Indianapolis Colts (-5.5)
What an unmitigated disaster. I was all set to have the Jaguars be undefeated, the Colts struggling, and then pick Indy here to ... wait, no I wasn't. This should be ideal. The Jags can run, the Colts can't stop the run. The only downside is the possibility of Jeff Saturday's return. Still.
Jaguars +5.5
Carolina Panthers @ Minnesota Vikings (-3.5)
REALLY? REALLY? REALLY. In full disclosure, I am going to Las Vegas this weekend for the Blog World Expo, and because gambling is legal there I will be
watching it in a sportsbook to see how people react. Why are the Panthers not real and the Vikings, at 0-2, are, somehow? Did that sentence even make sense? No. Because neither does starting Gus Frerotte. Regardless of F'real-ness.
**Panthers +3.5**
St. Louis Rams @ Seattle Seahawks (-10)
What the hell, man? Does anyone really think the Seahawks are good enough to beat anyone by 10 points? They just signedKeary Colbert for crying out loud. Plus, one of these days, I'm going to take the Rams and they're going to cover. Or go 0-16 against the spread. Same difference.
Rams +10
Detroit Lions @ San Francisco 49ers (-4)
Mike Martz thinks that J.T. O'Sullivan could be his best quarterback ever. Seems like an unnecessary shot at Kurt Warner. Oh. And Jon Kitna. Well, actually, Kitna knows he's not good at this point, I would assume.
Niners -4
New Orleans Saints @ Denver Broncos (-6)
Weeeird. Or not. I guess that's about right, although I think we're probably two plays away from this being three points closer to the Saints. And since that makes sense from a true gambling standpoint, and I have too many favorites (Supa-stition rulez.) already, it's dog time.
Saints +6
Pittsburgh Steelers @ Philadelphia Eagles (-3.5)
No offense to the NFL scheduling gurus, who had no idea (in theory, no?) that the Jets would have Brett Favre at this point, but couldn't we have gotten this game on Monday Night? I mean, yeah it's gonna be awesome to hear TK yap about "must win" for the Chargers as they blow out the Jets, but this is gonna be a great game. It will probably come down to a last minute play that alters the outcome of the spread. So, coin toss time ... and heads it is.
Eagles -3.5
Cleveland Browns @ Baltimore Ravens (-2.5)
I actually took the Browns in my picks league -- against my own advice! -- and normally I'd keep riding that train, before the I remembered the offensively offensive pair below are no longer in town. In other awesome news, BoDog has a "How many passes will Braylon Edwards drop this week?" line, which is pretty spectacular.
Browns +2.5
Dallas Cowboys @ Green Bay Packers (+3)
I am hereby nominating "NEVER BET AGAINST AARON RODGERS ON SUNDAY NIGHT" as the official F-U to "NEVER BET AGAINST FAVRE ON MONDAY NIGHT".
Packers +3
New York Jets @ San Diego Chargers (-9)
NINE? Jeebus, Vegas. In other words, LaDanian Tomlinson and I aren't the only ones not worried about the Chargers future.
**Chargers -9**
