Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and empty out your piggy bank. You really thought there’d be more quarters in this thing. And why did someone jam six paperclips in here? Who’s the wiseacre?! LET’S GO!
PERSONS UNKNOWN – 10:00PM (NBC) Now this is intriguing. It’s a real, live miniseries. You don’t see those on network television much anymore. Before you chalk this one up as a summer burnoff, keep in mind this one was created by Christopher McQuarrie, who won an Oscar for writing “The Ususal Suspects” and also wrote and directed “The Way Of The Gun,” a movie I loved every second of. The premise of the show is that a group of people are abducted and then abandoned in a ghost town. Then weird stuff happens. It’s just like “Kid Nation,” without the ethical entanglements. Also, it has Alan Ruck. That guy could be in the next James Cameron movie and he’d still be Cameron to me. ANTICIPATION: HOPEFUL!
LAST COMIC STANDING – 8:00PM (NBC) The summer reality competition premieres tonight with new host Craig Robinson. People, I implore you to NOT vote for theme comics. Do not vote for that fat comic who always makes jokes about being fat, or that Indian comic who always makes jokes about being Indian, or that Southern comic who always makes jokes about trying to iron his grandma’s skin. Theme comics are lammmme. ANTICIPATION: WHO ARE THE AD WIZARDS WHO CAM UP WITH THIS ONE?
INTERVENTION – 9:00PM (NBC) Tonight’s addict of choice is a talented cellist. And I, for one, really hope he uses the haunting power of his preferred instrument to score his own descent into addiction. Everything is more dramatic with a cello playing underneath. ANTICIPATION: YAYO MA!
VH1 HIP HOP HONORS – 8:00PM (VH1) Because really, who best to honor hip hop legends than the channel that spent the bulk of its childhood playing Bette Midler videos? Tonight, VH1 honors the “Dirty South” by inducting(?) Master P and Luther Campbell and 2 Live Crew. You can tell white people arranged this celebration because Luther Campbell and Master P might very well be the two worst rappers that have ever existed. Spencer Pratt has a better flow than Luther ever did. ANTICIPATION: HEYYYYY WE WANT SOME TROOOOOPHIES!
WHEN I WAS 17 – 8:00PM (MTV) MTV interviews celebrities about when they were 17 and asks them if it was, indeed, a very good year. Tonight you hear from Olympic champ Evan Lysacek, along with Kourtney Kardashian. At 17, Evan was sequestered away at figure skating academy and Kourtney was paying for bottle service at various Miami nightclubs. Really relatable, those two. ANTICIPATION: DADDY SAYS SHE’S TOO YOUNG BUT SHE’S OLD ENOUGH FOR ME!