Dr. No (Way in Hell): Pattinson Wants To Play Bond

Prepare yourself for James Bond as you’ve never seen him before: Pale! Vegan! Breathy! “Twilight” superstar and UK native Robert Pattinson told the folks at Sky News that he would love to play James Bond one day:

Speaking to Sky News at the premiere of his new film, "Remember Me," the actor joked that he wouldn't be able to portray the spy because he's "not very good at running."

However, Pattinson then revealed that the part is something he aspires to play in the future, adding: "Maybe in a few years."

MAYBE OVER MY DEAD BODY! Okay, I overreacted a bit there. Pattinson is just having a larf about the idea. But the idea of him playing Bond instantly conjures images of a Bond who hangs out in trees, and needs a tan, and seduces a Bond girl played by Kristen Stewart named Eva Lipbiter. The James Bond character is many things to many people. But above all else, he is a MAN. A very manly man, who drinks like a man and drives like a man and tosses off bad double entendres like a man. That’s why Daniel Craig has flourished in the role. He gives Bond a badass touch that Pierce Brosnan never had. He’s more rugged, less elegant, just as Ian Fleming imagined him. And he’s not PRETTY, the way Pattinson is.

So good luck on your future career, Robert. Maybe, one day, we shall see you seducing Moneypenny by staring at her for long periods of time, or marveling at a high tech chastity belt Q made just for your Bond. But that day probably isn’t coming any time soon.

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