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Weekend Watch List: The Return Of “True Blood”

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Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and accept that your child will drag you to watch “Cars 2” this weekend. Ugh. LET’S GO!

TRUE BLOOD – 9:00PM Sunday (HBO) It’s back! HBO’s pansexual vampire/werewolf/fairy/Cajun orgyfest is back with a whole new season of love triangles and neck-snapping sex scenes. And have you seen the print ad for this season? They really have no issue selling the pornier aspects of this show. Poor Anna Paquin looks like she’s about to shoot a scene from a Jack Horner film. Anyway, tune in to see if Sookie will go for the hot vampire, or the hot werewolf, or if she’ll use her magical fairy powers to hire a moving van and relocate somewhere that doesn’t have bloodthirsty monsters at every turn. ANTICIPATION: HIGH!

CARSON NATION – 10:00PM Saturday (OWN) Remember Carson Kressley? You know, from “Queer Eye From The Straight Guy”? No, he wasn’t the food one. No, he wasn’t the hair one. No, he wasn’t the design one. No, he wasn’t the useless one. He was the funny one! Surely, you remember by now, no? Anyway, join Carson as he zhushes his way across America, giving makeovers to hapless folks who just don’t know that gingham doesn’t match with plaid. ANTICIPATION: CARSONY!

SWAMP SHARK – 9:00PM Saturday (SyFy – an NBC/Universal Network) It’s a shark, but it’s in a SWAMP! WHOA! SyFy’s latest cheesefest features Kristy Swanson and DB Sweeney battling the nasty critter from the title. Stay tuned for its harrowing sequel: POND SHARK. ANTICIPATION: SWAMP SHARK!

THE MARRIAGE REF – 10:00PM Sunday (NBC) Yep, they brought it back. Why? Well, I dunno. I guess NBC feels they owe Jerry Seinfeld something, other than hundreds of millions of dollars in syndication licensing profits. Join Jerry and everyone he knows in the Hamptons as they make fun of people who don’t live in the Hamptons. ANTICIPATION: UH… NO COMMENT!

CELEBRITY REHAB WITH DR. DREW – 9:00PM Sunday (VH1) Dr. Drew Pinsky, who secretly adores fame and stays alive by sucking on the blood of lower class celebrities, welcomes another class of Hollywood addicts including Amy Fisher, Sean Young, and Lindsay Lohan’s dad. And I’m sure Pinsky has nothing but noble intentions trying to save people who just want to be on television. ANTICIPATION: I FEEL SO DIRTY!

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