Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and stroke your cat menacingly. LET’S GO!
AMERICAN IDOL – 8:00PM (FOX) Your mentor tonight is Alicia Keys, who will teach the Idols everything about having an uncommonly smooth complexion and singing four-minute songs with no discernible hook. Tonight’s song theme is “songs of inspiration.” That means someone WILL sing “You’re the Inspiration,” by Chicago. NO ONE NEEEEEEEDS YOU MORE THAN I! Also expect a hearty dose of “Wind Beneath My Wings” and a perhaps a scat version of the “Chariots Of Fire” theme. I could see Kara bobbing her head to that. ANTICIPATION: KEYSPIRATIONAL!
LOST – 9:00PM (ABC) Tonight’s episode is titled “The Last Recruit.” WHAT DOES IT MEAN? Does it mean that Colin Farrell’s character from “The Recruit” will appear on the island? Will someone die? Was the moon landing faked? How do we know it’s a volcano ruining the European airline industry, and not some alien conspiracy? WHY DOES JELLO SHAKE? My guide says that tonight, “The camps merge, and new alliances are formed.” OMG! This means Sawyer could win the immunity challenge! And Kate may have to strip for peanut butter! And then Jeff Probst will give some of the castaways serious ‘tude! SOMEONE’S TORCH IS GONNA GET PUT OUT AND I AM SCARED. ANTICIPATION: THE ISLAND IS MARQUESAS!
GLEE – 8:59PM (FOX) It’s the episode you’ve all been waiting for. Or, at least, those of you who like both “Glee” and “Madonna” have been waiting for. It’s the all-Madonna episode! Featuring Madonna songs! Sung by people who can sing better than Madonna! If I stop and think about it, I strongly believe that “People who like Glee” and “People who like Madonna” are pretty much the same group of people. That Venn diagram would just be one circle. One fabulous circle that changes its identity every three years or so. ANTICIPATION: I WILL ALWAYS CHERISH YOU
YOUR KID ATE WHAT? – 8:00PM (TLC) Hey, relax. He just swallowed a pine cone and a sledgehammer. No need to get all frenzied over it. ANTICIPATION: KIDS SWALLOWING THINGS!
30 FOR 30: SILLY LITTLE GAME – 8:00PM (ESPN) ESPN’s killer “30 for 30” documentary series continues with this history of rotisserie baseball. I love rotisserie baseball players. They’re delicious. With side of beans and fried yuca? Can’t be beat. ANTICIPATION: HUNGRY… FOR STATS!