Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and fail to win the Masters. Something’s off with your golf game these days. Must be all the philandering. LET’S GO!
HOUSE – 8:00PM (FOX) It’s the 150th episode tonight! Woohoo! Hooray! That makes it 150 times that you’ve watched House guess the wrong disease only to have a sudden epiphany right at the :53 mark in the show and solve the case. Never gets old. Coming back to the show tonight is the fetching Olivia Wilde, who surely can’t be sticking around very long, what with the whole movie star leap. Wilde’s character Thirteen comes back tonight and we learn that Thirteen has been in PRISON. Of course she has. She’s so edgy! She likes girls, and knows how to buy drugs! She’s tew kewl for yew! ANTICIPATION: WILDE!
TWO AND A HALF MEN – 9:30PM (CBS) It’s a rerun tonight, but can I just point out the title of this episode is “The Crazy Bitch Gazette”? Why am I not sad that this show may never return? Also, I’ve noticed that virtually every mention of this show’s hiatus is talked about strictly in terms of lost profits and industry jobs. No one is ever like, “Oh, and some people liked watching it.” It’s like when a Vin Diesel movie opens big. No one knows why, it just makes money. ANTICIPATION: SEXIST!
ANTIQUE ROADSHOW – 8:00PM (PBS) Coming to you from exciting Billings, Montana. Yes, Billings. Where people actually have time to sort through their aunt Gladys’ estate sale. Among the items appraised tonight are weapons used at Custer’s Last Stand. Like THOSE were effective. ANTICIPATION: PAWNY!
REDISCOVERING ALEXANDER HAMILTON – 10:00PM (PBS) Learn all about the dude on the ten-dollar bill, who you totally thought was a former President but was not! With thoughts from Nino Scalia, Rupert Murdoch, and Larry Flynt. And I never thought I’d hear those three names mentioned together, except on the invite for a secret Georgetown bondage club. ANTICIPATION: HISTORICAL!
KATE PLUS EIGHT – 10:00PM (TLC) Kate and her brood visit Steve Irwin’s family (haven’t they suffered enough?) at Zoo Australia, where Kate tries feeding a crocodile. And I think I speak for all of us when I say I hope that croc bites off a bit more than he can chew. ANTICIPATION: KATE DOWN UNDER!