Jay Cutler seems pretty pleased with the arrival of Roy Williams, so how should he show his appreciation to Jerry Angelo and Mike Martz for bringing the former Cowboy in? With a strongly-worded (totally fake) letter, of course.
Dear Mike and Jerry,
I had to put my words to paper to try to thank you for bringing Roy Williams to the team. I don't know if you noticed, but we kind of hit it off at practice last night.
Sure, it's been a while since he had that ridiculous 1,310 yard season, but he wasn't paired up with the right QB! He needed me. He needed to be back with you, Coach Martz. He needed you to, uh, make sure his checks get cut, Jerry. He's big and tall and can reach over every safety in the league. OK, maybe not all of them, but a lot of them!
Drops? What drops? That was the OLD Roy Williams! This is the new guy, the one who belongs in Chicago with Devin Hester, Earl Bennett and Johnny Knox. He knows what happens to receivers who drop passes *cough* Devin Aromashodu *cough* so you can count on him to hold onto the ball.
And he and I have so much in common! We've both been through some pretty rough times with the ladies. Both of our broken engagements ended up in the tabloids. Yeah, his was a little more embarrassing, but that means I have plenty to teach him! For example, you don't mail your proposal to a lady. At the very least, you make it a trip to Cabo. If it breaks up, then at least you got a sweet little vacation out of it!
And Jerry, Mike, this doesn't mean I've forgotten about Earl, Devin and Johnny, because, damn! Have you looked at them? They've worked so hard in the off-season. Put Roy in there with them, and we might do something special.
So thanks, guys. This was the exact present I've been looking for. Maybe now I'll be able to forget about Olin and Greg.