Ben’s Breakfast Blog

Buried Treasure

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* Is this real?  Man, I hope so.

* Please pee in the shower.  You will save the rainforest.  (Creepy commercial for the campaign!)

* 20% of women are attracted to men with a bit of B.O.  Logically, more B.O. would mean more ladies, right?

* Hey, Justin Timberlake, I know you're super-famous and you're nailing mega-hot chicks and you have piles of money... but you fail at making movies.

* The National Single Cougars Convention is headed to Silicon Valley.  No word on how many of their valleys are natural.

* More evidence that today's parents are weak-willed hippies: They're controlling their kids in public but letting them go wild at home. 

* Women need a man's help to advance at work.  Pffffft.  Women.

* You know you suck at your job when they throw a party after your departure.  Yes, you, Paula Abdul.

* Horrible men recommend banning high heels from the workplace.  Look, guys.  I'm lonely.  Essentially a shut-in.  And on the rare day when my coworkers wear high heels (and perhaps a skirt), I feel the crushing weight of my desperation shift ever so slightly.  Don't take that away from me.

* New law bans sex offenders from driving ice cream trucks.  In other news, there is no one left to drive ice cream trucks.

Vanessa Hudgens cannot stop taking naked pictures of herself.  Thank you, Vanessa.

* Cool temperatures help you sleep.  Working an overnight shift and making your bedtime around dawn does not.

* Hate your dog?  Want to ensure that no member of the opposite sex will ever touch you?  Buy a dog bed shaped like a giant Croc!

* Thanks to a proclamation from Richard Nixon, this is National Clown Week.  Clowns are legally allowed to murder and rape one victim without legal repercussions.  And they will.  Joyfully.  Damn you, Nixon!

* I know many people hate the word "moist."  Apparently many, many people.  Moist people.

* I used to love "At the Movies."  Especially when it was Ebert & Roeper.  But then Disney had to get stupid and replace them with vapid dolts who just repeated press packets verbatim.  Thankfully, they're going back to the way it should be.  I liked Scott & Phillips when they co-hosted back in the day.  But why no Roeper return?  Lame.  Anyway, I recommend watching that show... they highlight some awesome movies you'd otherwise miss.

Here's more on Vladimir Putin's bare-chested horse ride.  I find this somewhat hysterical and somewhat awesome.

* That dude who shot up that gym hadn't slept with a woman in 19 years and "was bitter over women."  Except for the gun rampage, I can relate.

* All the cool kids are bailing on social networking sites.  The cooler kids are writing blogs that no one reads.

* The towns of Wank and F***ing aren't really doing enough to capitalize on their amusing names.  Seriously, why is there no Taste of F***ing?

* If your baby attends day care in someone else's home, they're going to become fat toddlers.  That's right.  Blame someone else for your fat baby.

Jack Nicholson is getting more action than you.

* What kind of awful place must you work to be suspended for not saying "hello" to your boss?

* Programs to de-gay the gays do not work.  Who could've seen that coming?

* Drinking too much coffee can shrink your breasts.  PUT.  THE COFFEE.  DOWN.

* Rupert Murdoch plans to charge you for news online.  Good luck with that.

* Hooray!  More baby-tossing video!

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