Tuesday Watch List: Do Not Attempt To Change The Channel

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and try and get over your Oscar snub. How DARE they nominate Colin Firth and overlook your performance in that company sexual harassment video? You name me one other actor who can make leering glances in the copy room the way you did. LET’S GO!

STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS – 9:00PM (Everywhere) President Obama monopolizes your television for 90 minutes this evening to tell you the State of the Union is strong, and that we’ll all have flying electric cars within the next 15 years and that we HAVE to do something about education, and that you will totally have a job soon. In between, people will clap for too long and Republicans will openly NOT clap, which many will deem tasteless. Meanwhile, I’ll be watching DVR’ed episodes of “Beavis & Butthead,” because I like to plan for these sorts of television emergencies. ANTICIPATION: FLAME WAR!

JOAN & MELISSA: JOAN KNOWS BEST? – 9:00PM (WE) If the President’s ramblings aren’t your thing, head over to WE for the premiere of this new show starring Joan Rivers and her kid Melissa as Joan moves from New York into Melissa’s LA place. I strongly advise you to not watch this show in high definition. ANTICIPATION: CAN WE TALK?!

BIZARRE FOODS – 9:00PM (Travel Channel) Andrew is in Pennsylvania tonight, hitting up a place where, according to my guide, “a Japanese chef prepares potentially poisonous sexual organs.” I assume those organs belong to Paris Hilton. EASIEST JOKE EVER! ANTICIPATION: POISONED GENITALS!

RUPAUL’S DRAG RACE – 9:00PM (VH1) Season premiere! RuPaul trots out a whole new group of aspiring Divines and puts them through the paces. Tonight, the girls have to do a Christmas Card photo shoot on a trampoline. Why a trampoline? It’s drag, people. You need bounciness. Also involved will be Bruce Vilanch. Because really, why not? Will this show ALSO contain poisonous sexual organs? That I cannot divulge. ANTICIPATION: TRANTASTIC!

THE DAILY SHOW – 11:00PM (VH1) James Franco takes time out from hosting award shows, acting, writing, studying, and throwing explosive pumpkins at people to sit down with Jon Stewart and talk some global economy stuff. ANTICIPATION: FRANCOPHILES ONLY!

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