Blago Too Busy For Barack

COMMENTARY: Won't make it to inauguration

Gov. Rod Blagojevich (D-Impeached) has decided against attending Barack Obama's inauguration because "he doesn't want to be a distraction."

That old excuse struck us as a bit odd, seeing as how Blagojevich has made a career out of being the biggest, baddest distraction around. We did a little digging and found out that Blagojevich actually had already made plans for the Inauguration Day. Here's what he'll be doing.

- Brushing his hair with 100 strokes an hour.

- Practicing perjury for his upcoming trial.

- Trying to re-sell Obama's senate seat.

- Balancing his Swiss bank account.

- Re-reading The Loneliness of the Long-Distance Runner.

- Asking the mob to help get him out of a jam.

- Re-organizing his baseball card collection.

- Taking the state jet out to scout for lairs.

- Re-writing the state constitution to make everything he's done legal.

- Planning his getaway by watching Hogan's Heroes reruns.

- Curling up in the fetal position and bawling his head off.

- Planning his 2016 presidential run.

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