Early Thursday morning, someone shattered a plate glass window at a central Illinois store that processes deer meat.
Who could it be? Animal rights activists? PETA? Vegetarian terrorists?
Surveillance video shows the offender to be a real-life, four-legged deer.
"I know it's rut season for deer," said Bartonville Police Chief Brian Fengel. Deer encounters like this are common, he says. "We've had a lot of deer accidents and a lot of deer running around."
Alwan likes to think it was more than mere coincidence.
"We're so good, they're just dying to get in," he told the Journal Star.
But we all know what's really going on. The deer, so offended and appalled by the meat store, decided to take matters into its own hooves. This was just a warning.
The deer is currently on the run, and there are no leads as to its whereabouts.