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Monday Watch List: House! Jail! Ugly Boyfriends!

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Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and celebrate the fact that it’s no longer Earth Day. Looks like you can go ahead and put those plastic bottles and toxic waste in the ol’ Hefty Bag again. Who’s gonna know? LET’S GO!

CHUCK – 8:00PM (NBC) We have an unspeakable tragedy on our hands with this show. I speak, of course, of Yvonne Strahovski’s real life boyfriend. Oh, come on, man. Are you kidding me? This is arguably the hottest woman on any network TV show, and THIS is the guy she chooses to go out with? Jesse Camp’s hobo cousin? This is so unfair. It’s worse than Christina Hendricks marrying that dude who looks like Booger from “Revenge Of The Nerds.” You unbearably attractive Hollywood actresses out there need to listen up. Please, for the love of Pete, get yourself better taste in men. How’s it supposed to make us feel when we can’t get a phone number for months, yet somehow Captain Headwrap there is able to score Yvonne? The world makes NO sense. ANTICIPATION: GUNS AND FIGHTING AND STUFF!

HOUSE – 8:00PM (FOX) The team treats a woman in an open marriage who falls ill. And this is the show’s cue to have one of the doctors treating that lady (almost certainly Thirteen) give that woman disapproving looks for her marriage. Only the patient totally sees those dirty looks and gives a lengthy soliloquy about how her open marriage makes her happy and how maybe YOU, Mr. Doctor, must have some serious problems of your own if you’re gonna be all judgey like that. You don’t get it, man! Society’s rules have enslaved you, man! And the doctor is forced to reconsider everything he or she knows, and then the patient has a seizure and passes out. Then House comes in and calls the patient a moron. Perhaps I’ve watched this show too much. ANTICIPATION: SEXUAL LIBERATION!

16 AND PREGNANT: LIFE AFTER LABOR – 8:30PM (MTV) It’s a special 90-minute episode of MTV’s surprise hit. And lookee who just happens to pop up to talk with all the teenage baby mommas. That’s right: Dr. Drew! On yet another show! I’m telling you, this man is a complete megalomaniac. Probably has a webcam implanted in his stethoscope. Don’t let him hear your heartbeat! ANTICIPATION: DRAMA!

JAIL – 10:30PM (SpikeTV) A woman is arrested after kicking a highway patrol officer in the face. I love ‘em when they’re feisty! ANTICIPATION: JAILBAIT!

SOUTHERN FRIED STINGS – 10:00PM (trutv) Oh, like I’m not watching a show with this as its title. Every criminal fleeing on foot WILL be shirtless, or your money back. Tonight, the team busts a group of hookers and looks for troublemakers at an amusement park. Hookers and carnies? Yeah! ANTICIPATION: FINGER LICKIN’ JUSTICE!

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