* Saudi Arabia brings us the "Miss Beautiful Morals" pageant, designed to crown the woman who shows the most devotion and respect for her parents. Losers are most likely beheaded.
* Congratulations, nudity fans. Disney will stop screening out pictures of flashers taken on Splash Mountain. So unleash your own personal Magic Kingdom and enjoy the souvenir photo of your lady lumps.
* My hometown figured out what that awful smell was. Yeah, it was the sewer. (Without a massive stink and Matt Giraud, Kalamazoo would be off the news radar this year.)
* The University of Wisconsin is using dogs to help students relax. Hey, worked for Michael Vick.
* The thing most moms want for Mother's Day is... time with their families. Instead, I will be giving my mother a card, and a reprieve from the shame she most certainly feels whenever I'm around.
* 12 Fun Facts About Deodorant! Why yes, it is a slow news day. Thanks for asking.
* David Ogden Stiers is gay. I don't believe it. David Ogden Stiers is still alive?
* Sorry, Tubby. You can't go on that nature hike with the Boy Scouts. But you will be a real help in getting the Scouts to earn their "Drinking a Jar of Mayonnaise With Your Bare Hands" merit badge.
* Young people are abandoning religion like rats off a sinking ship. Unless you count worshipping Zac Efron or that weirdo from "Twilight."
* Cinematic Titanic returns to the Lakeshore Theater this September. I absolutely recommend going. You will laugh. You will laugh much.
* Today is Odd Day, one of only six this century featuring odd numbers in each digit - 5/7/09. If you knew that without me telling you, expect your wedgie sometime between lunch and dinner. Supplemental nougies may be deployed.
* I've entered the uncharted waters of cooking with a pizza stone. Results have been very mixed. Anybody have any tips?
* This morning, NBC5 axed a show I used to produce (Sunday mornings). And Ellee Pai Hong followed Art Norman into the mist of memory. Ellee played Switzerland to Bruce Wolf's North Korea during the short-lived "Barely Today." That was easily the high point of my career so far. The station displayed enormous cojones trying something like that, even if it was only for five months. This may have been Ellee's finest hour on the show...
January-May of 2007 were some of the best days of my life. I'll miss you, Miss Ellee.