Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and sue The Situation for firing you as his manager. How dare he! When you found him, he was just a brainless Jersey goon. And look at him now! You made him a FAMOUS brainless Jersey goon! Surely that deserves restitution. LET’S GO!
MAN VS. WILD – 9:00PM (Discovery) It’s the season premiere tonight, and for a little extra bang Bear Grylls has brought actor Jake Gyllenhaal with him to navigate Iceland’s brutal terrain together and steal the world’s entire supply of g’s, l’s, and y’s. Grylls has been accompanied by a celebrity on “Man Vs. Wild” before, when he brought Will Ferrell with him to Sweden for an episode. That episode was extremely entertaining and ultimately quite affecting, as Ferrell ditched his comic persona at times and became introspective on camera. We’ll see if Gyllenhaal can follow suit and make this more than just a vanity stunt. ANTICIPATION: HIGGGGGH!
ALPHAS – 10:00PM (SyFy - an NBC/Universal network) Ever watch “Heroes” and say to yourself, “Boy, I wish all the superheroes on this show were cops! And that the show doesn’t jump the shark midway through its first season!” Well, you’re in luck, as SyFY launches their new show about cops with supernatural abilities (no costumes) charged with bringing down equally mutated criminals (also no costumes). We’ll see if this one can go a little longer without being ruined. ANTICIPATION: SUPERDUPER!
ANTHONY BOURDAIN: NO RESERVATIONS – 9:00PM (Travel Channel) Tony is back for an all-new season, one that includes an apparently legendary trip to Spain’s El Bulli restaurant. But first, Bourdain and his crew go to Cuba for tonight’s premiere. And I find it absurd that it’s 2011 and it’s still technically illegal for Americans to go to Cuba when we have a freakin’ military base there. I want to go to Cuba and eat sandwiches and hang out with all my Commie friends. What’s so Unamerican about that? ANTICIPATION: CUBA LIBRE!
INSIDE THE ACTOR’S STUDIO – 8:00PM (Bravo - an NBC/Universal network) Your James Lipton slobber target tonight is the lovely Jennifer Aniston, an extremely famous woman with a film resume so execrable that it’s almost cruel to sit her on a stage and go through her entire movie history. But I’m told she’ll be wearing a hot skirt. ANTICIPATION: ANISTONIAN!
ARE YOU FITTER THAN A SENIOR? – 8:00PM (Discovery Fitness & Health) I know the answer. Please don’t ask again. ANTICIPATION: SELF-LOATHING!