With Mother's Day just around the corner, you're probably thinking about the perfect gift for mom. And we have it. Simply DON'T compete in the Air Sex World Championships.
Mom raised you better than to bang an imaginary lover in front of a cheering audience of voyeurs. But if you simply must show Chicago how you would make love to your imaginary friend, you'll get your chance Sunday, June 14 at 8 p.m. at the Logan Square Auditorium.
“Air Sex is sort of like Air Guitar,” said Tim League, founder of the Air Sex World Championship, “except instead of pretending to play an invisible guitar on stage, contestants get up there and pretend to have sex with someone who isn’t there. With their clothes on, typically. They pick a song to perform to and then have two minutes to impress the judges with their overall Airness.”
Two minutes, huh? Guess foreplay is going to be a little rushed.
As the competition tours the country, it will be bound by the rules of the state they're in. Not sure if that means nudity is in or out for Chicago. And we're not sure if there will be a Gallagher-esque plastic barrier for the front row, in case any of the competitors become a little too excited.
In any case, make your mom proud and wait until air marriage before you indulge in filthy, filthy air sex.
Ben Bowman is the author of the bizarre news rodeo known as the NBC Chicago Breakfast Blog. He performs regularly at the iO Theater with the improv giants of Whiskey Rebellion. And he once got the air pregnant. With twins.