Will The Real Cubs Fans Please Stand Up?

Two distinct types of Cubs fans. Which are you?

Michael Hunt is a columnist in Milwaukee. This morning, in the face of the first 2009 Brewers-Cubs game and the annual northern invasion that accompanies it, he wrote the following:

The real Cubs fans, the ones who could cite the hometowns of all the players involved in the Lou Brock trade or Charlie Grimm's 1931 on-base percentage, are some of the best fans on the planet for not only putting up with, but for somehow taking pleasure in, everything thrown their way.

They stand in direct contrast to the phony Cubs fans who tend to spoil it for everyone with their boorish behavior. Those are the ones who could not identify the top two starters in the rotation but are somehow instinctively aware of the beer vendor's regular path.

Hunt is very fair in his column, mentioning that this sort of schism isn't exclusive to the Cubs, and that it even affects the Packers. But the Cubs are a special case. Thanks to Wrigley Field's partylike atmosphere, the Cubs seem to draw an abnormally high number of people who are just there to party, get drunk, flirt with a blonde in a t-shirt jersey, and stumble their way back to their yuppiefied apartment. And then, as the dichotomy goes, there are the hardcore fans, the ones who really, truly care, who put up with the rest of the morons because, what, we're supposed to stop loving the Cubs now?

This schism exists, and it's frustrating. But it isn't quite as easily delineated as Hunt thinks. To be truthful, there's an element of both types in most fans. Most people both appreciate the fantastic joy of getting buzzed at Wrigley Field while watching your favorite team play baseball. Most people's knowledge and experience falls somewhere in between.

Still, though, the stupid fans exist, and it is to them this next paragraph is addressed. You there? Ready? Cool. We hate you. You ruin everything. You jack prices up. You turn the bleachers into a frat party. You think you're cool; you're really awful and annoying and no one likes you. So whatever you're doing, stop, and do the exact opposite. An entire fan base -- 90 percent of which is not of your ilk -- will thank you.

Eamonn Brennan is a Chicago-based writer, editor and blogger who will see you all Sunday night. Grr. You can also read him at Yahoo! Sports, Mouthpiece Sports Blog, and Inside The Hall, or at his personal site, eamonnbrennan.com. Follow him on Twitter.

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