Piniella To Marmol: ‘Get Over It And Pitch'

Lou gives some fatherly advice to Carlos: Shut up

Yesterday, we told Carlos Marmol to let the closer position go. Why worry about it, right? As our mother might say: Sweetie! You're young, and you've got your whole life ahead of you. Why spend so much time worrying about one girl/closer position? There'll be plenty more in the future.

See, Carlos? Our mom gives good advice. And her mashed potatoes are amazing.

Lou Piniella is less like a mother and more like that slightly detached father who occasionally goes off, but who usually means well, and is otherwise very sleepy. When he has something on his mind -- which is often -- he's not afraid to say it. Which is exactly what Lou did yesterday, in regards to Marmol's angst:

"I'm sure he is somewhat disappointed, or he is disappointed," Piniella said. "But he needs to get over it and pitch and help us win baseball games. And I know he will. he's a good young man and he competes well and today he'll get the ball and we'll go from there."

Now isn't that the most fatherly speech you've ever heard? You're a good young man, Carlos, even if YOU DID WRECK THE TAURUS YOUR MOTHER AND I BOUGHT FOR YOU, and I know you've got a bright future ahead of you. But what are you going to do? Sit in your room and whine all day? I didn't raise you like that. Get out on the mound and start throwing that gas, son. That's my boy.

This metaphor is now incredibly mixed, but would this make Kerry Wood the overacheiving brother that went off to college? Carlos Zambrano that crazy cousin your parents told you to leave alone? Ryan Theriot is the nice neighborhood boy everyone mysteriously loves. We could go on all day like this ...

Eamonn Brennan is a Chicago-based writer, editor and blogger who thinks Michael Barrett was the neighborhood troublemaker that got sent to military school. You can also read him at Yahoo! Sports, Mouthpiece Sports Blog, and Inside The Hall, or at his personal site, Follow him on Twitter.

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