Kyle Orton And The Incredible Healing Ankle

The Kyle Orton, Magical Healer saga marches on. Earlier today, the charming people at Mouthpiece Sports (who, it should probably be noted, I blog for) posted a video of Devin Hester perhaps unwittingly giving away details of Kyle Orton's recovery. Sidelined with an ankle sprain, Orton was supposed to be out for three or four weeks or maybe even longer. This meant Rex Grossman was re-entering the lineup, and, well, you know the deal there. Best that Orton hurries back.

We were skeptical of Hester's admission, because really: Devin Hester? Dude is, as we said, not a medical professional, and even if Orton had said that he was planning on playing this week, it didn't mean the Bears medical staff would allow it. The whole thing bred skepticism.

Alas, it appears that Hester was right, at least about Orton's news. The quarterback says he isn't going to rule out playing this week:

"I'm certainly not ruling out anything," Orton said when asked if he could play soon. "Just going week to week." Orton said he has an ankle sprain. A source said Orton was told he'd be out three to four weeks but the quarterback isn't putting a timetable on his return.

Asked what he immediately thought after the injury, Orton said, "Ouch."

The quote about the injury ("Ouch.") is great. What's even better is that Kyle Orton seems to have some sort of magical, Wolverine-esque healing ability. How does Wolverine heal? From Wikipedia:

Wolverine is a mutant with a number of both natural and artificial improvements to his physiology. His primary mutant power is an accelerated healing process, typically referred to as his mutant healing factor, that regenerates damaged or destroyed areas of his body far beyond the capabilities of an ordinary human. This renders him virtually immune to nearly all toxins and diseases. However, he still suffers the immediate effects of such substances; he has been shown to become intoxicated after significant dosages of alcoholic beverages, and has been incapacitated on several occasions with drugs and poisons. Although his body heals, the healing factor doesn't supress the pain he endures while injured.

Evidence of drunkenness. Rapid healing. Unruly facial hair. 

Holy crap. Kyle Orton is Wolverine!  

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