Ticketmaster's Fleecing Me for Playoff Tickets

Bulls playoff tickets went on sale Friday and it's a sure bet the entire city will be scrambling to snap them up. But even once you choke down the expense of the actual seat, there are a million tiny fees waiting for you.

Ticketmaster is basically the worst thing ever.

You've already mortgaged your home to get the tickets. Now you've got a service charge and a facility charge and a processing charge and a convenience charge. Consumerist says the fees usually add up to 30 percent of the ticket price.

And what, exactly, are we paying for?

You can buy a book or a movie on Amazon and you only have to pay shipping. Shipping is tangible and necessary. You need someone to move the item from over there to over here.

With tickets, you're merely attaining permission to attend an event. For proof of this permission, you can print a document at home. Computers can handle the entire process. You're not paying for any human to do anything. So why are we paying?

Because we have to. Because Ticketmaster is an evil lamprey sucking off stadiums and performers and athletes. Stadiums and performers and athletes could exist just fine without Ticketmaster.

I don't mind giving my money to stadiums and performers and athletes. They provide something I want. Ticketmaster's only function is to get between me and what I want. That's like paying a big hairy dude to drape himself all over the girl you're trying to hit on.

Whaddya gonna do? Get in line. Enjoy your wicked monopoly, Ticketmaster.

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