Hailing Columbus - NBC Chicago

Hailing Columbus

Pols on holiday



    Celebrate This Holiday Season in Lively St. Charles
    Celebrate like Chicago politicians.

    We don't know for sure how our esteemed politicians are celebrating Columbus Day today, but we'll take our best guesses.

    RICHARD M. DALEY: Sending extra parking ticket writers out to exploit drivers who mistakenly think they don't have to feed the meters today. Boot crews will follow.

    TODD STROGER: Making special Columbus Day hires. Interested applicants should gather around his locker at the East Bank Club.

    BARACK OBAMA: Accepting award for being the real founder of America, though acknowledging he really doesn't deserve it.

    PAT QUINN: Not sure if he'll give a Columbus Day speech or not; will decide next week. Or set up a task force.

    DAN HYNES: Calculating lost man-hours due to the holiday for every governmental unit in Illinois and entering it onto a a new Lotus spreadsheet that really rules.

    ROLAND BURRIS: Pretending he is a U.S. senator.

    ROD BLAGOJEVICH: Giving Columbus Day speech in his backyard. Fox News will carry live.

    PATTI BLAGOJEVICH: Selling tickets to husband's speech.

    MICHAEL MADIGAN: Working as if it's just another day, because the devil's minions don't get days off.

    ED BURKE: See Michael Madigan.

    Steve Rhodes is the proprietor ofThe Beachwood Reporter, a Chicago-centric news and culture review.