Weekend Watch List: Oscar Night!

Welcome to Watch List, where we identify five things on TV to watch while you stay at home and storm the Wisconsin capitol building. LET’S GO!

ACADEMY AWARDS – 8:30PM Sunday (ABC) The big night is here, children. It’s the 475th annual (NOTE: number guesstimated) Oscar ceremony brought to live from the Kodak Theater in mildly pleasant but often filthy Hollywood. Your hosts are Anne Hathaway and James Franco. And while both Hathaway and Franco are extremely appealing people, this mashup of Evita and “Rump Shaker” is a terrible, terrible omen. I never understood why the producers of this show felt obligated to include any musical numbers (that goes for the entire Best Song category). It’s not the Tonys. It’s not the Grammys. It’s the Oscars. Show movie clips and audience shots of famous people and get on with it.

Your favorite to win Best Picture this evening is “The King’s Speech.” I’m constantly being told that the Academy favors traditional fare such as that particular movie, which is an odd assertion given that recent winners include “No Country For Old Men,” “Slumdog Millionaire,” “The Departed,” and “The Hurt Locker.” Those are not exactly stuffy period costume dramas. So call me nutty, but I think the award will go to “The Social Network.” It’s gonna win Best Screenplay and Best Director. So tell me, if it was the most well written movie of the year, and the most well directed movie of year, shouldn’t it be named the best overall movie of the year? I think voters will probably draw the same conclusion. ANTICIPATION: UPSETS!

ACADEMY AWARDS RED CARPET LIVE – 7:00PM Sunday (ABC) Before the ceremony, check out all the famous people intermingling with each other near the entrance of the theater. Your hosts are Robin Roberts and Tim Gunn. Expect much fashion speak and lots of forced conviviality. ANTICIPATION: I KNOW PHONY LAUGHTER WHEN I HEAR IT!

KNICKS AT HEAT – 8:00PM Sunday (ESPN) Not a big Oscars fan? I bet! You’re big and strong and burly and drive trucks GRRRRR. Anyway, if counter-programming is what you need, check out Carmelo Anthony taking on LeBron James and the Heat for the first time in a New York uniform. ANTICIPATION: MELO!

THE PURSUIT OF HAPPYNESS – 8:00PM Saturday (ABC) Prepare for the Oscars by watching any number of Oscar-nominated films on TV this weekend (TCM has a bunch), including this tearjerker that nabbed Will Smith a Best Actor nomination. And you know what kills me about this movie? It’s the fact that for every Chris Gardner out there, there are about four million other people who have to struggle just as mightily as single parents, and DON’T end up with a multi-million dollar job in finance. They just endlessly try and make ends meet, and then they die. Anyway, enjoy! ANTICIPATION: WEEPIE!

WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE – 8:00PM Tonight (NBC) Kim Cattrall learns about her past. Also, she’s probably naked. ANTICIPATION: YOU WERE IN MANNEQUIN!

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