Jennifer Aniston and Justin Theroux's wedding was an affair to remember.
While the actors have yet to comment on Wednesday's nuptials–cleverly disguised as a surprise party to celebrate Theroux's 44th birthday–one of their A-list guests, Howard Stern, shared details from the wedding on his Sirius XM radio show.
Stern told listeners he was one of the few guests who knew the surprise party was a ruse, as he was asked to prepare a toast. "I was so nervous," he said Monday, adding that he kept his own mother in the dark. "They're so secretive, those two."
"I'm very friendly with Justin. I like him very much...I really admire him. I even said in my speech to them that if one of my daughters brought home a guy like Justin, I'd be very pleased. Except for the s--tty tattoos, 'cause he's got some f--king weird ones," he said. "And except for the fact that I gave him a journal to draw in and he draws pictures of dead zombie babies with blood dripping out their head on every almost page. I said, 'Those two things might disturb me.' But aside from that..."
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Stern said the idea of having to speak at the "Wanderlust" co-stars' reception made him "miserable." He also denied reports that he made his toast with Robert Downey Jr., who did not attend the wedding or reception.
He had other grievances, too, and they inspired his speech. "They had these little tiny chairs. There was a table, and then you sit down and the chairs were like poufs, like little pillow poufs," he said. "I'm 6-foot-f--king-5! I'm a grown man!" The shock jock also said he didn't appreciate having to leave his phone in the car. "Why can't I have my cell phone? I don't want to take a picture of you two! I really don't. I want my cell phone so after I make this speech I can call my car and get the f--k outta here!" he explained. "People were laughing at my misery."
The only person who was allowed to have a camera was photographer Terry Richardson. "The irony is, I've been on vacation with those two, and they take pictures every f--king minute! They're constantly shooting pictures. But if I take a picture, I'm committing a sin!" Stern said. "This whole...It was always called a birthday party. Whenever you got an e-mail, it was a birthday party. They're so secretive that they even had the wedding on a Wednesday because nobody gets married on a Wednesday."
Aniston's dress was "short," a source tells E! News, and her dogs participated in the ceremony. Famous guests included Jason Bateman, Emily Blunt, Sandra Bullock, Courteney Cox, Chelsea Handler, John Krasinski, Lisa Kudrow, Rachel McAdams, Tobey McGuire, Jennifer Meyer and Samantha Ronson.
Stern, who has vacationed with the couple in Mexico, "talked about some personal stuff, too. I complimented Justin's mother on raising such a wonderful son. I love him. I told Jennifer that she deserved a guy like this, because after all, she's been very sweet and generous with us. But Justin and his body–his abs, his ass–look at him! I'm giddy over him! Although Orlando Bloom blows him away." Bloom happened to be seated near Stern at the wedding, as were Ellen DeGeneres and Portia de Rossi.
Stern also confirmed that Sia performed when Theroux, 44, and Aniston, 46, had their first dance as husband and wife. "It was very romantic," the radio host told co-host Robin Quivers. "So, I run to Orlando and say, 'Orlando, first dance!' Orlando grabbed me so tight I thought my bones were going to break."
Jimmy Kimmel officiated the wedding ceremony. "He did a beautiful job," Stern said.
"We had a fun time," he told Quivers of the evening. "Great time."