Sen. Roland Burris (D-Doomed) has suspended his statewide "listening tour" to "hold private meetings" today with friends and advisers.
Here's what we think may be on the agenda:
- Breakfast in bed with his ego.
- Receives call from Rob Blagojevich asking him to raise funds because "now he's a star."
- Upon reflection, calls Rob Blagojevich and asks him to raise money for Roland.
- Is deposed by the FBI. Tells FBI he may file an amended deposition later to fill out the facts.
- Tells advisers he wants Tribune editorial board fired.
- Prays. To Satan.
- Meets with legal team on new strategy: From now on, we tell the truth. Silence. Laughter.
- Meets with legal team on new strategy: For godsakes, don't tell the truth!
- Meets with legal team on new strategy: Sue the U.S. Senate Ethics Committee.
- Meets with political team on new strategy: From now on, we tell the truth. Silence. Laughter.
- Meets with political team on new strategy: How can we alienate the media even further? Options discussed.
- Meets with political team on new strategy: Call Dick Durbin racist. Threaten to run for his Senate seat next.
- Meet with political team on new strategy: Call the U.S. Senate Ethics Committee racist.
- Meet with political team on new strategy: Burris for President 2016. Or 2012. Discuss.
- Place new round of phone calls to Barbara Walters, David Letterman, Geraldo Rivera.
- Works on Amendments to the Amended Affidavit No. 4, Version 1.
- Meets with agent about a book proposal: The Real Roland. With pictures.
- Consider raising money for legal defense by selling draft versions of each affidavit on eBay.
Burris Behind Closed Doors
Senator confers with advisers today
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