Opposites Attract, Cheating Boyfriend, Who's The Daddy?

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Dear Chat Daddy,
I'm a woman who is in a low social economic class struggling with three children on welfare. I'm extremely distressed over a situation that must be addressed in my life. My youngest child is two-years-old and I'm really not sure who the father is. The person of whom I think is my child's father is an extremely financially secure older man who is married with children and lives in another city. My question is this: How do I find out who the father is and if he is indeed the father, how do I approach him on the matter? Please advise. --Could Be A Guest On A Future Daytime Talk Show

Dear Could Be On A Future Daytime Talk Show,
There's something fishy here. I'm confused. The first problem with his letter is the fact that you don't know who your child's father is. What a mess. What does your economic status have to do with doing the right things in life? I would suggest that a DNA test be done to determine paternity because if he is the father, he needs to take responsibility. But take note: Sometimes, women pin their son/daughter on a man for a number of reasons, knowing full well that the child does not belong to him in the first place. Why have you waited so long to find out if this is your child's father? At this point, I'm also concerned about all of the emotional damage that has been done. Here's to you maintaining strength no matter the test results and if he is the father, please allow him to rebuild a relationship with his child without bitter resentment.

Dear Chat Daddy,
I have been with my boyfriend for a year and six months. He has accused me of flirting with online friends and looking at other guys. His checking up on me has gone so far as if, I'm not at the train station at my usual time when I arrive home from work be goes into crazy fits of rage. I always reassure him that I am not cheating on him and I wouldn't want it to happen to me. I love him too much to even consider someone else and that's the reason why I put up with his behavior. It's getting to the point that we are arguing every other day. I'm starting to think that he is dealing with someone else but he's also confusing me. He spends most of his time telling me that he doesn't want to lose me, and he would not act this way if he didn't love me -but yet, he wants to drop me like a hat when we are bickering. I'm coming to the last of my wits and have no idea how to regain his trust back. Can you please help out here? I'm afraid that if one more fight occurs, we're actually done. How do I convince him that I'm not going to hurt him? --Holding On

Dear Holding On,
Sister, it is quite obvious what this man is doing. The way I see it, he is playing with your head and making a mockery of your feelings. This is also a situation of emotional abuse and his behavior sounds very irrational and erratic. Anytime someone is constantly accusing you of cheating on him or her, it is a sure sign that he/she is committing the act themselves and trying to figure out a way to shift their insecurities onto you. His behavior clearly shows that he has a master plan to let you go due to the fact that he already has someone else on the side and he's trying to break away. It happens all of the time. I mean, how much reassurance does he need? He knows how you feel. On the other hand, has infidelity occurred on your part at any point in the relationship? If that is the case, it could be some unsettled emotional residue from that incident. But in any case, pay more attention to what he does than what he is telling you because that is where the truth lies. Real men don't threaten to leave you when they sincerely love you. If someone wants to walk out of your life, let him. It's understandable that you love this man, however, he is communicating to you loud and clear that the feeling is not mutual. It's gonna hurt, but I suggest that you let this person go and tend to your own business. Take time for yourself and allow healing to begin. Letting go is definitely a process, so allow yourself to go through each and every emotion that arises. Journal and write down your feelings on a regular basis. It may also be a good idea to talk to someone about it; someone who can only be objective and provide clear and concise advice for you, such as a counselor. Become more involved with activities in your church, take a samba class or participate in some community events. Simply surround yourself with positive people and things that will occupy your time. Here's to you dropping dead weight, allowing real love to find you and moving on to the brightest future in which you are a much better you!

Dear Chat Daddy,
My wife and I have a dear friend of whom we have known since high school. He is getting married for the first time (he's 48) in 45 days to a woman (she's 40 with no kids) he has known for over five years. He has extraordinary qualities: an avid saver, has great credit with no debt, doesn't drink, uses no profanity and loves going to church. She is the exact opposite in every sense. She does not believe in the holy trinity, so it is obvious that they are unequally yoked. In fact, he says that she lives an unhealthy lifestyle. She has refused premarital counseling, has not made an effort on her own to know his family, and they have not met with the pastor who will preside over the ceremony (too busy with the wedding plans). He also said that he couldn't live with her current habits and behaviors. He believes that she'll change after the wedding and do things he would like her to do. She's smart, fun to be with and the sex is great, however, we think they need immediate! counseling. What do you think? --Looking Out For Our Buddy

Dear Looking Out For Our Buddy,
Your concern is valid and it is admirable that you only want the best for your friend. Sometimes we have to allow our loved ones to make their own decisions. I have to say that your friend is a bit delusional when it comes to the idea of her "changing" after the wedding. There's no such thing. Many people make the mistake of going into a marriage with that same ideology. Those things that you can't stand in a person will only be magnified once the wedding cake has been served and the champagne is gone. Moreover, the fact that she has not made an effort to get to know his family is very strange. I'm sure that you have talked to him about your concerns, and since he still wants to walk down the aisle anyway, then all you can do is be there for him. I would suggest not berating him about his future bride -he's a grown man and if he's happy with the decision to marry her, so be it. Here's to you simply being true friends and reassuring him that you'll always have his back.

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