Guys: Ignore The Kiss at Your Peril

Sex 911: Confessions of a Serial Dater

A common complaint I hear from women about men is that we focus too much on sex and not enough on romance. And no, taking her to see a chick flick and buying her lingerie and fishnets isn't what she had in mind. Shocker, huh? Of course, women dig sex as much as we do, but they'll also confess that a little romance sprinkled in there somewhere would be nice too -- you know, all the warm and fuzzy things like the courting, the cuddling, and more importantly, the kissing.

Kissing is high up on a woman's "Must-Have Qualities" list. They have a hard time progressing to a second date, or sex for that matter, if the guy won't dish out with the making out. Simply put: no kissing, no sex.

An epiphany hit me when I kept noticing that famous kissing picture "Kiss By the Hotel Deville" in so many women's apartments. Women love kissing because it adds that element of romance and intimacy they crave so much. The problem, though, is that far too many men neglect this very important piece of the sex puzzle.

While some guys like myself love kissing almost as much as sex itself, many others see it as an unnecessary step that delays the inevitable. They think the more time you spend kissing, the longer it takes for the pants to hit the ankles. Just eliminate the middle man, right? Wrong! Ever wonder why a girl suddenly and inexplicably hits the brakes at the end of the date when the sexual chemistry seemed to be a-brewin'? Maybe it's because you were so worked up and horny that you gave her only a few obligatory minutes of making out before reaching for the zippers. Or worse yet, you didn't kiss her at all. Bad, bad, bad.

What guys need to realize is that kissing is our friend. It's almost as erotic and intimate as sex, and if done right it can be the ultimate form of foreplay. Think about it: a good make-out session is like a clothed rendition of having sex. Your bodies are against each other. You've got the heavy breathing and panting thing happenin'. The hands begin to explore south of the equator. Before you know it, you're ripping each other's clothes off like they're covered with red ants.

Kissing is also the perfect transition from date mode to sex mode. If you date someone long enough eventually you're both going to want sex. But at the end of that date, it's probably not acceptable to say, "Well I had a great time tonight. Wanna come in and get naked?" Hello, awkward!

A better option is the goodnight kiss, which usually turns into good night making out, and, if you want each other bad enough, "good night" in your car could lead to "good morning" in the bedroom.

The awesome thing about kissing is it can lead to spontaneous sex, which is some of the hottest sex of all. Who among us hasn't had an experience when what you thought was going to be a quick good night peck unexpectedly turned into Round 2 up against the door?

It's worth noting that this whole kissing thing can backfire if you suck at it. Bad kissing is worse than no kissing at all. Ask any woman and chances are she'll tell you they've cut at least one dude loose because he sucked at kissing.

What's worse are the guys who THINK they're good kissers and really aren't. Pay close attention guys. Most women aren't looking for a tonsillectomy. Just like sex, you can't just dive right in. A few soft teasing kisses are vital before you go all French on her.

Look at it this way, guys. Since kissing is also known as "getting to first base," think of sex like a baseball game. Sure the batter would love to run from the plate across the pitcher's mound to second base, but it's just not allowed. You gotta play by the rules and run to first base. Yeah, it takes a little more time but it sure beats going home sexless, right?

Read more of Jon's work on the Better Sex and Relationships section.

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