Today is Patrick Kane's 20th birthday. The Blackhawks' young star already has the world on a string as he is young, well-heeled and a big enough star in Chicago that the ladies probably all know his name. Still, it's his birthday, and on your birthday, you should get presents. What do you get the hockey player who has everything?
- A win over the Stars on Thursday. Instead of everyone on the team chipping in to give him a gift certificate to Morton's, why not chip in to give the gift he will really use? Jonathan Toews is in charge of this particular gift.
- NHL 2K9 for Wii. Who doesn't want that?
- Assists, the gifts that keep on giving. It's a simple gift, really. After Kane passes you the puck, score a goal. Everybody wins. Kane is the team leader in assists, so this might be the easiest present of all.
- A gift certificate to West End Bar and Grill. Just a few blocks from the United Center, Kane could head there with the team to rehash their latest game. I've heard rumors that Joel Quenneville sometimes even stops there from time to time.
- A date with the Ice Crew. I don't think an explanation is needed.
- A haircut.I realize that the mullet, or pseudo-mullet, or golden tendril-mullet is big in the NHL. Move past that. You're a Chicago star now and we expect better of our athletes. (Not counting Mickey Morandini.) Somebody please buy the man a haircut. Go see Brad at Sine Qua Non or Zariff, Barack Obama's barber.