* Is this real? Man, I hope so.
* Please pee in the shower. You will save the rainforest. (Creepy commercial for the campaign!)
* 20% of women are attracted to men with a bit of B.O. Logically, more B.O. would mean more ladies, right?
* Hey, Justin Timberlake, I know you're super-famous and you're nailing mega-hot chicks and you have piles of money... but you fail at making movies.
* The National Single Cougars Convention is headed to Silicon Valley. No word on how many of their valleys are natural.
* More evidence that today's parents are weak-willed hippies: They're controlling their kids in public but letting them go wild at home.
* Women need a man's help to advance at work. Pffffft. Women.
* You know you suck at your job when they throw a party after your departure. Yes, you, Paula Abdul.
* Horrible men recommend banning high heels from the workplace. Look, guys. I'm lonely. Essentially a shut-in. And on the rare day when my coworkers wear high heels (and perhaps a skirt), I feel the crushing weight of my desperation shift ever so slightly. Don't take that away from me.
* New law bans sex offenders from driving ice cream trucks. In other news, there is no one left to drive ice cream trucks.
* Vanessa Hudgens cannot stop taking naked pictures of herself. Thank you, Vanessa.
* Cool temperatures help you sleep. Working an overnight shift and making your bedtime around dawn does not.
* Hate your dog? Want to ensure that no member of the opposite sex will ever touch you? Buy a dog bed shaped like a giant Croc!
* Thanks to a proclamation from Richard Nixon, this is National Clown Week. Clowns are legally allowed to murder and rape one victim without legal repercussions. And they will. Joyfully. Damn you, Nixon!
* I know many people hate the word "moist." Apparently many, many people. Moist people.
* I used to love "At the Movies." Especially when it was Ebert & Roeper. But then Disney had to get stupid and replace them with vapid dolts who just repeated press packets verbatim. Thankfully, they're going back to the way it should be. I liked Scott & Phillips when they co-hosted back in the day. But why no Roeper return? Lame. Anyway, I recommend watching that show... they highlight some awesome movies you'd otherwise miss.
* Here's more on Vladimir Putin's bare-chested horse ride. I find this somewhat hysterical and somewhat awesome.
* That dude who shot up that gym hadn't slept with a woman in 19 years and "was bitter over women." Except for the gun rampage, I can relate.
* All the cool kids are bailing on social networking sites. The cooler kids are writing blogs that no one reads.
* The towns of Wank and F***ing aren't really doing enough to capitalize on their amusing names. Seriously, why is there no Taste of F***ing?
* If your baby attends day care in someone else's home, they're going to become fat toddlers. That's right. Blame someone else for your fat baby.
* Jack Nicholson is getting more action than you.
* What kind of awful place must you work to be suspended for not saying "hello" to your boss?
* Programs to de-gay the gays do not work. Who could've seen that coming?
* Drinking too much coffee can shrink your breasts. PUT. THE COFFEE. DOWN.
* Rupert Murdoch plans to charge you for news online. Good luck with that.
* Hooray! More baby-tossing video!
