On Thursday night, Rep. Joe Walsh will reveal the district where he’ll be running for re-election. Walsh will announce his decision during a Chicago Tea Party at The Cubby Bear, 1059 W. Addison St. Ward Room has learned that he will do so in an interview format with Jim Gray, the same reporter who hosted “LeBron James: The Decision” on ESPN last year. According to a fictional script not really faxed to us by a source inside the Tea Party, here’s how the conversation will go:
JIM GRAY: Everybody is on pins and needles throughout northeastern Illinois, particularly those voters who are in the running to be represented by Joe Walsh. Joe, what have you thought about this process?
JOE WALSH: Jim, it’s been tremendously humbling to be courted by so many outstanding voters. In the last month, I’ve fielded calls from people in McHenry, people in Rolling Meadows, people in Lombard, all begging to be represented by a congressman with true Tea Party values. I’m just sorry that my decision is going to disappoint so many people who were looking forward to being screamed at by their congressman at a town hall meeting.
GRAY: Do you wish you could represent the entire state of Illinois?
WALSH: We’ll discuss that in a few years, when Dick Durbin is up for re-election.
GRAY: Joe, how many people know your decision now?
WALSH: Just me and my kids. I told them not to tell their mom. I tell them never to tell her anything about my business.
GRAY: Joe, when did you make your decision?
WALSH: Last night, after looking at the results of polls in the 8th, 10th and 14th District. There was just one district whose numbers really stood out. One of the questions on our survey was, “Do you think Congressman Walsh is an opportunistic, district-shopping right-winger willing to cause turmoil in his own party to preserve his career?” In this district, a third of the voters answered “no.” We think that’s a great base to build on.
GRAY: Who in this process, Joe, have you taken advice from, and who has had the biggest influence on your decision?
WALSH: I’ve taken a lot of advice from friends and family, but the people close to me whose opinion counted for more than anything were the Koch Brothers. As you know, they fund Americans for Prosperity, which was a major contributor to my last campaign. Dave and Charlie made it clear they’d give me more support if I ran in the district I’ve chosen.
GRAY: Joe, are you ready to make your decision?
WALSH: Next fall, this is very tough, next fall, I'm going to take my talents to...
