Fox Says Now Is The Time For You To PANIC

I have long dreamed of the day when modern reality show programming finally resembles that of “The Running Man,” and no television network has worked harder to make that dream a reality than Fox. Over the years, Fox has brought you women marrying phony millionaires, women marrying real millionaires who are terrifyingly creepy all the same, animals attacking, women guessing their adoptive fathers, plastic surgery beauty pageants, dwarf weddings, people emptying their psyches for cash and, of course, MAN VS. BEAST. Quite a track record.

Now comes “Panic Attack,” a show in which contestants will be forced to confront their very worst fears. The Hollywood Reporter tells all:

In "Panic Attack," contestants face their greatest fears -- heights, snakes, tight spaces -- with the help of a pair of therapists.

The project is from frequent Fox collaborator A. Smith & Co., which also produces "Hell's Kitchen" and "Kitchen Nightmares."

"Panic" will be hosted by Nik and Eva Speakman, married psychotherapists and motivational speakers who host the U.K. series "A Life Coach Less Ordinary." Each week, five people who suffer from the same phobia will be brought together to work through conquering their fears.

What? Therapists? Helping people? Well, this doesn’t sound like a Fox reality show at all. This actually sounds compelling and respectful. Surely, the network has a twist in store. Perhaps the dude afraid of snakes will be forced to live in a prison cell with 57 pythons for nine days. That’s much more FOXy. Perhaps diabetics will be crammed into a panic room and forced to fight over a Snickers bar. I know darn well that Mark L. Walberg will be shoehorned into this idea at some point.

There’s also no mention of cash here. Surely, cash must be involved. People can’t possibly be joining this show because they have a genuine desire to improve their lives. I don’t buy it. It’s toooooo easy. That said, this show could prove pretty cool, especially if they feature some of the fears that I suffer from, which include:

-Bugs

-Skateboarders

-Justin Bieber

-Chutney

-Raffles

-Neil Cavuto’s head

-Window painting

If Fox can keep those phobias fresh every week, they may just have a hit on their hands. Until we find out the therapists are dwarfs.

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