Me, Ash. Ash, me. - NBC Chicago
Ben’s Breakfast Blog

Me, Ash. Ash, me.



    * This weekend was WizardWorld Chicago.  It was a merry time for all sorts of geeks.

    I'm the one without the chainsaw on his arm.  Seeing so many low-level celebrities (Margot Kidder!  Michelle Rodriguez!  Lou Ferrigno!)  making money off their autographs, I decided to set up a booth.  Considering my vast level of blog fame, I figured there would be dozens, nay, hundreds of my fans ready to pay big for my John Hancock.  I was wrong.

    After 5 hours and only one autograph (for some old man who kept referring to me as Donny Most), I closed up shop.

    * For all the people who think I'm unfunny, here's something more your speed...

    * Florida inmates make their own hot sauce.  Meanwhile, the guy who hid the gun in his fat rolls makes his own cheese.

    * Perhaps that photo of you holding two drowned rabbits from your pet store isn't the best choice as a Facebook profile pic.

    * Remeber Olestra?  The no fat/no calorie additive that gave you anal leakage when you ate potato chips?  It's back... this time in paint.  So you can use it to paint your walls instead of your toilet bowl.

    * Greenwich, Connecticut is banning clotheslines.  Randy "Macho Man" Savage is outraged.

    * Facebook makes you a jealous lover.  Which is why it makes sense to decline your partner's friend request.

    * (Sigh)

    Fire crotch!

    Nissan's new AC will eliminate bad smells.

    * Knowing is half the battle.

    * Researchers say you get happier as you get older.  I don't know about that.  I remember being pretty darn happy when I was like 5 years old.

    * Saturday was World Orgasm Day.  I abstained.

    Your marriage will be better if you live through hell right after the wedding.  Insert Peg Bundy joke here.

    * All hail the King of the Nerds!

    * When it seems like traffic is moving at a snail's pace... it could be worse.

    * Young people want to have sex.  The church wants you to be married before you have sex.  So should the church push for young people to get married or let 'em have at it without the ring?

    "Among teens, who's gay is less clear than in past."  Here's a hint: Figure out where your penis is.  If it is in another boy,  you are gay.

    * Dead baby's condition upgraded to "alive."

    * The Afghan hound is the stupidest dog ever.

    Time Magazine advocates ten Chicago activities that I've never heard of.  Time also recommends three Chicago restaruants I've never heard of.  Is there more than one Chicago?

    * Want to lose weight?  Keep track of what you eat.  The more you eat, the more you have to type, burning calories as you press and lift those pudgy fingers.

    * Dammit. Now I want barbecue and I don't live anywhere near Midwest City.