Lincoln Park Bags Really Big Whole Foods - NBC Chicago

Lincoln Park Bags Really Big Whole Foods

Coming to Lincoln Park

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    NEWSLETTERS

    Lincoln Park Bags Really Big Whole Foods
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    More Whole Foods than you can imagine.

    The third-largest Whole Foods store on the planet is coming to Lincoln Park - and it's gonna be a doozy.

    The massive grocery will have " . . . a riverwalk, seven neighborhood-themed eateries, mix-and-match cookie and trail-mix stations, and express checkout lanes with a screen directing shoppers to the next open cashier," the Sun-Timesreports.

    Mix-and-match cookie and trail-mix stations!

    The new store, at Sheffield and Kingsbury, is scheduled to open on May 20 and will replace the Whole Foods on North Avenue, which is set to close on May 17.

    "True to Whole Foods' reputation for food as theater, shoppers enter a colorfully laid-out produce section ringed by old-style Chicago street lights, a faux water tower, loft-like high ceilings and floor-to-ceiling natural lighting," according to the Sun-Times. "The seven eateries sport their own themes and decor: Wicker Park Subs, Pilsen Taqueria, Taylor Street Pizza, Asian Express, the retro Riverview Diner, Da Vine wine and cheese bar and the Chicago Smokehouse and Rotisserie."

    I live in Wicker Park and I can tell you that the only sub shop I know of is Subway, but whatever. We've got some other ideas for features and items that would make the new Lincoln Park store true to its neighborhood.

    - Grocery carts shaped like Jettas

    - Free range chicken from Yuppie Farms

    - Organic Trixie Tots

    - Valet stroller parking

    - Natural fiber pooper scoopers

    - Shopper rewards program that deposits money into semi-socially conscious mutual funds

    - Chemical-free remodeling permits

    - "I May Be Mean, But I'm Still Green" T-shirts

    - Whole grain futures contracts

    - Biodegradable credit cards with APRs two points over prime

    Steve Rhodes is the proprietor ofThe Beachwood Reporter. He fondly remembers Whole Foods from the days when he had a steady paycheck.