Top And Bottom of the NFL: Week 5

By Drew Magary
|  Thursday, Oct 13, 2011  |  Updated 10:32 AM CDT
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Top And Bottom of the NFL: Week 5

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Power rankings. You hate them. They’re so arbitrary and pointless, especially when they include all 32 NFL teams. All you want to know after a good week of NFL action is who the bestest team in the NFL right now, and which one is the absolute barrel-scraping worst. The one so terrible, it may be given a job on Wall St. specifically so that Occupy Wall Street can protest it. That’s why we have TOP AND BOTTOM OF THE NFL, where we go to great lengths to tell you who’s the top dog in football right now, this very minute. LET’S GO!

THE TOP: Green Bay Packers

Just when you thought the Packers were vulnerable on Sunday night, they turned around, curb-stomped the Falcons in the second half, and emerged as an even scarier team than before. With Chad Clifton out, I held out hope that Aaron Rodgers would go back to 2009 form, getting sacked every four seconds, but NO! It ain't like that anymore. Instead, Rodgers got the ball out quickly and took control of the game effortlessly, as if he were toasting a Pop Tart. It was almost sickening to watch.

Meanwhile, the Lions have managed to keep pace, and the question is: Will both of these teams be unbeaten by the time they meet up on Thanksgiving? I say no. The Packers have two easy dates with the Vikings, but also have to go to San Diego and play the Bucs at home before taking Detroit on head-to-head. While the Packers scare me to death, they do have some issues running the ball, and Jermichael Finley sure does like his dropsies. That San Diego game will be the one to look out for. Meanwhile, the Lions get the upstart 49ers, the Falcons, the Bears, and they have to face Cam Newton, who WILL win his second game at some point. These teams will not be a combined 20-0 when they face each other. But they'll still be good, and I'll still fight through my turkey coma to watch them.

THE BOTTOM: Indianapolis Colts

Oh, they tried. They tried to very hard to win, those little helpless Colts. They're giving it their all, but they just can't seem to get over the hump. And now they're openly talking about drafting Andrew Luck. They're finished. Their only saving grace is the fact that the rest of the division is so uniformly average (especially with Mario Williams out for the year in Houston). Still, that won't be enough to save them. They're a headless chicken, running around the countryside, unaware that death is closing in rapidly.

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