Hey there! Happy Monday. Who wants to participate in silly fan-oriented stereotypes. (*Looks out over raised hands.*) OK, then. Allow us to welcome the esteemed Ozzie Guillen -- the man always ready with a quick insult for Cubs fans, and a naughty word or two for the profanity enthusiasts at home (us included) -- to the podium. Ozzie, is there something you'd like to say about Cubs fans?
After Cubs manager Lou Piniella pointed out the spike in attendance from 22,000 when the Dodgers faced the White Sox last week to a full house when the Cubs visited U.S. Cellular Field this weekend, Sox manager Ozzie Guillen was asked why attendance was so low for the Dodgers series.
"Because our fans are not stupid like Cubs fans," Guillen said. "They know we're [expletive]."
Guillen said Cubs fans will watch any game at Wrigley Field because "Wrigley Field is just a bar."
Oh! Well then. That probably doesn't explain why many games are still available at Wrigley this year, as opposed to last year, when they weren't. The correlation of the team being not-quite-as-good to the ticket sales being not-quite-as-good probably has nothing to do with the actual baseball on the field, or Cubs' fans decisions therein. Nope. It's more like a freak occurrence.
In the meantime, of course, all Sox fans are smart, witty, intelligent baseball fans totally devoted to their team. They "show swagger." They show so much swagger, in fact, that they are being constantly upbraided to attend more games, despite the fact that the White Sox won a World Series in 2005. Swagger! Pride! And of course all Cubs fans are dumb, drunk yuppies, the people who wouldn't know the score of the baseball game even if Wrigley had a proper Jumbotron. (Perish the thought!) All White Sox fans are good fans; all Cubs fans are dilletantes. Right?
These are just the two worlds we live in. Obviously, these stereotypes are 100 percent correct. Right.
Eamonn Brennan is a Chicago-based writer, editor and blogger. You can also read him at Yahoo! Sports, Mouthpiece Sports Blog, and Inside The Hall, or at his personal site, eamonnbrennan.com. Follow him on Twitter.