Everybody Hates Milton And The Strange Lure Of Ski Season

Tangentially Speaking - January 7, 2009

By LAWRENCE BENEDETTO

Updated 1:06 PM CST, Wed, Jan 7, 2009

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There’s a new show coming to WGN this spring. It’s not quite “man and wife live across the street from his parents; hilarity ensues.” Instead, it’s a tale of the Chicago media crucifying a guy before he’s stepped foot in his new workplace.

It’s called “Everybody Hates Milton.”

It’s easy to pick apart the Cubs new right fielder. No doubt he’s a real gamer, but he’ll be nothing but Trouble. Alright, that’s cheap, but what’s cheaper is destroying Milton Bradley’s character before he’s even put on a Cubs uniform. After reading all of the negative press, you would think that, come Opening Day, he’s going to climb the ivy-covered walls and bite the heads off a few bleacher bums before going all Cloverfield on our fair city.

Fortunately, if you've ever actually talked to the man, you would know that, on a day-to-day basis, Bradley is a well-spoken gentleman and a perfectly decent human being. Sure, he's got that switch that goes off inside of him about once a season. But so what? Who doesn't freak out every once in awhile? He just happens to have his powder keg moments in a very public setting.

Besides, you know what all of those bottle tosses and baseball scatterings and torn ACLs come back to prove? Milton Bradley cares. Maybe a little too much in some cases, but the man cares about the game. And after the last two very brief Octobers on the North Side, caring is obviously something the Cubs could use a lot more of.

So, please, give Bradley a chance before turning him into a monster.

While we’re fixated on the goings on at Wrigley, how awesome was the Winter Classic last week? Really not much more I can say about it other than “Wow.” From wrapping the outside of the boards with “bricks” to using the scoreboard to count the goals and from the kids rink in center field to the singing of the “3rd Period Stretch,” it was yet another brilliant display of marketing from the ever-expanding portfolio of John McDonough.

It’s too bad the [bleeping] Red Wings had to spoil the party.

I’ve got to admit, I’ve been a bit lost the last couple weeks without the constant scepter of fantasy football weighing over my every waking moment. I keep opening my “Favorites” tab and staring blankly at my league’s homepage, wanting to head there to check on the status of Joseph Addai’s fragile frame and to scour the waiver wire to find a better option for my second wide receiver. But it’s over. I don’t have to worry about Davone Bess vs. Domenik Hixon for another eight months. Although now I’ve got the added pressure of winning back-to-back titles to weigh me down until draft night.

Yeah, that’s right, I’m patting myself on the back a little bit. All the waiver wire moves, match-up decisions and subsequent last minute lineup changes actually brought home a winner. And it’s always nice when one of the small perks about your job is that your starting tight end shows up in your office the night of your championship and allows you to take a celebratory picture to rub in your opponents’ faces. Thanks, G-Reg!

Speaking of football teams facing off-season pressure, the Bears spoke to Rod Marinelli last Friday. Yes, the same Rod Marinelli who guided the Detroit Lions to the league's first ever 0-16 season. I don't care if he's a great coordinator or that he's good friends with Lovie Smith. Isn't it a bad idea to hire a guy who had a big part in the worst NFL season ever? He doesn't exactly have a winning attitude at the moment. I say, let him wipe that stench off on the Seahawks.

Have you heard about the digital switch that's coming to TVs everywhere next month? I know you have because we've been doing a better job promoting it than we have for our few truly good prime-time shows (*cough* Friday Night Lights *cough*). Well, here's the coolest part about those wacky digital converter boxes: You get to watch a bunch of strange channels that don't seem to exist in real life (aka: the world of digital cable). Sure, you might be able to find the weirdly addictive movie channel This (26-4 on the converter) or the completely random IONLife (38-3 and currently airing a very serious looking ping-pong match) on your cable box too, but with 500+ channels, these probably get lost in your surfing's undercurrent.

By far my favorite of the bunch is Universal Sports (5-3). At first, it seemed like a cheap way for NBC to re-run all of the breathtaking events from last summer's Olympics in Beijing. Then, Ski Season happened. Now I find myself tuning in to see how Lindsey Vonn and Bode Miller are doing on the slopes. Both had a tough time in Zagreb, Croatia the last couple of days, with Vonn losing her lead in the overall standings when she crashed out in the final few gates of her second run while Miller did yet another stupid thing, getting disqualified for wearing illegal boots during his first run. Seriously, I actually know this stuff because of this crazy channel! I've never cared about skiing in my life until I started watching!

And, finally, somebody actually made a conscious decision to green-light this and capture it on film. Seriously? I can only hope that, in the end, the Cloverfield monster shows up and destroys her restaurant.

About the author: As you can tell from the title of this column, as well as the haphazard subject matter that lies within, he is a product of the MTV generation (the MTV generation that got to watch music videos, not the one that gets to watch snobby tweens complaining about shoes). He spends his time arguing about various indiscretions in the world of pop culture, clapping loudly for no apparent reason and trying to come up with witty Facebook comments for friends.