10 Things in Chicago that Usain Bolt Would Dust

He's the world's fastest man, but can he outrace Oprah's bank account?

By Eamonn Brennan
|  Tuesday, Aug 18, 2009  |  Updated 9:15 AM CDT
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10 Things in Chicago that Usain Bolt Would Dust

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This guy is fast, but is he faster than one of Ronnie's Woos?

Usain Bolt ran a 9.58 in the 100 meters Sunday, the fastest time in the history of the event -- and a new world record for Bolt.

Which got us thinking: Just how fast is Usain Bolt? We're betting he puts a few Chicago institutions to shame. Our list is below. Is Usain Bolt faster than ...

1. The speed with which Wrigleyville/The Wit/The Dana Hotel fills up with dbags? (No)
2. Oprah's weekly bank account refill? (No)
3. Traffic on the Dan Ryan? (Yes)
4. Tourists walking to the beach for the Air and Water Show? (Yes)
5. Tourists walking pretty much everywhere? (Yes)
6. Mayor Daley's mouth? (Depends on the day and/or the subject and/or whether the Olympics are somehow involved)
7. The street-parking pay boxes' expiration times? (No)
8. The Brown Line from the Loop? (Construction on this answer is underway; we appreciate your patience)
9. Devin Hester hitting a crease? (Probably, but we'd love to see to test this one out)
10. Ozzie Guillen's temper? (No. Yes. I'M JUST PROTECTING MY PLAYER, ALL RIGHT?!?)

We're sure we missed a few, so let's see yours in the comments. Think fast.

Eamonn Brennan is a Chicago-based writer, editor and blogger. You can also read him at Yahoo! Sports, Mouthpiece Sports Blog, and Inside The Hall, or at his personal site, eamonnbrennan.com. Follow him on Twitter.

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