Paul Gutierrez can attest to some pretty bad dating horror stories.
One time, a mail-order bride climbed out a window in the middle of their date. Another time, Gutierrez, 38, says he dressed up like a moose to catch a woman's attention, to no avail.
Things got so bad that he turned to charitable donations to find his future wife.
The Elgin native is offering half of his yearly income for one year, about $10,000 to $20,000, to the person who gets him a date with his future wife. He said he will donate to the charity of their choice, or walk across the country in a wedding dress to raise money for a charitable cause.
Is he kidding? No, he maintains. It's all true.
"I was on a dating site and I was thinking, 'This isn't for me. It's not going to happen this way,'" he said. "So I figured, why not do something good? Hopefully giving half of what I make to charity might make its way to a good cause."
Gutierrez lists "38 reasons why single women should love me … but somehow don’t," on his website. He points out in the list that he doesn't drink or smoke, and he pokes fun at his optimism and mentions his fondness for animals.
"I like animals a lot, and I'm a sucker for stray animals," Gutierrez said. "I usually try and bring them to a no-kill shelter or something."
Parts of the list are brutally honest, but Gutierrez said he hopes his future wife is able to laugh at his past mishaps.
"The right one will just laugh at it," he said. "The number one thing is that they have a sense of humor. I couldn't imagine spending my life with someone if they couldn't laugh with me."
Despite the setbacks of his past dating career, Gutierrez finds little discouragement.
"Even though I joke and make fun of myself, I have a pretty positive attitude," he said. "It's hard for people to get me down. Hopefully it will happen after all this."