Wrigley Field to Keep Troughs

The Cubs and awkward silences. They just go together

View Comments (
)
|
Email
|
Print

    NEWSLETTERS

    TK
    Getty Images
    Wrigley Field will renovate its bathrooms, but don't worry, guys. The troughs will still be there.

    The awkward silence. The fake pleasantries. The invasion of personal space. And oh man, that smell.

    All these traditions will live on at Wrigley Field.

    ...Yay?

    The Chicago Cubs have announced that, while the washrooms at their vaunted ballpark will be renovated this off-season, the stainless steel urinal troughs will remain.

    Through the decades, generations of men have stood at these metal bins, elbow-to-elbow, wondering where exactly to look. Up? Down? Straight ahead?

    In fact, the matter of protocol is so tricky, the International Center for Bathroom Etiquette (a humor site) suggests the following:

    [W]e have decided, that whenever possible, troughs should be avoided. (i.e. always). There was simply found to be no justifiable reason to pee in such a locale, and we therefore cannot condone such activity. In fact, it is entirely easier to justify peeing in the sink, since they do after all look just like funny little urinals on a bench, than it is to justify trough use.

    We have to concur. There is no need to make your privates public, nor does anyone want to see your beer-recycling program.

    Unfortunately, it appears some traditions are meant to be upheld. After all, Cubs fans insist on rooting for their team, which is much like peeing in the wind.

    Matt Bartosik is a Chicago native and a social media sovereign.