United Cuts Fat, Who's Next?
Who else will pay more besides fat people
New Line Cinema
Under its new rules, United would charge this man for two extra seats to accommodate his weight and his snakes.
United Airlines just announced that fat people will have to buy two seats to accommodate them or risk getting bumped from sold-out flights. We've learned that United is considering these additional new pricing measures.
- AIG executives will have to buy an extra seat to accommodate their bulging wallets.
- Sam Zell will have to buy an extra seat to accommodate his shrinking but still sizable ego.
- Todd Stroger will have to buy an extra seat to accommodate his incompetence.
- Rod Blagojevich will have to buy extra seats to accommodate his hairbrush, his indictment, and his psychiatrist.
- Woody Harrelson will have to buy an extra seat to accommodate a paparazzi zombie.
- All paparazzi zombies will have to buy an extra seat to accommodate Lindsay Lohan.
- All Illinois politicians will have to buy extra seats to accommodate their ill-gotten gains.
- All revelers flying in for the South Side Irish Parade will have to buy an extra seat to accommodate their bail bondsman.
- All Cook County workers must be an extra seat to accommodate their ghost payrolling colleague - even if the seat remains empty.
- All Chicago aldermen will have to buy an extra seat to accommodate their handler from the mayor's office.
Steve Rhodes is the proprietor of The Beachwood Reporter, a Chicago-centric news and culture review.
Copyright NBC Owned Television Stations
Posted Tuesday, Jul 14, 2009 - 5:56 AM CST
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