U. of C. Earns Dubious Feminine Hygiene Product Distinction From GQ

This from GQ, the douchiest magazine read by douches

By Steve Bryant
|  Tuesday, Sep 1, 2009  |  Updated 6:38 AM CDT
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The University of Chicago is the 17th douchiest college in America.

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The University of Chicago is the 17th Douchiest College in America.

This from GQ, the douchiest magazine read by douches.

Can't say they don't know their audience -- post-Dalton, mostly-SPE, moneyed homunculi who deride Butter while clubbing at Griffin and use the word "summer" as a verb. And the junior account executives who mimic them. And aspire to shop somewhere besides Rothman's. And brunch on the Gansevoort roof. And use brunch as a verb. Kill yourselves.

Digression. The offending passage is found in the glossy's 25 Douchiest Colleges in America.

Chi's highlights: we're home to the Paul Wolfowitz douche, a pretentious conservative whose affectations include "Horn-rimmed glasses; pipe; well-thumbed copy of The Antitrust Paradox; precocious ideas of mankind as brutish and disgusting." Core belief: "War is good (as long as you don't have to fight in it)."

Beating out the U. of C. are 16 other storied institutions like #14 Arizona State (home of the "show us your tits" douche), #12 University of Phoenix (home of the online douche), and #11 NYU -- home of the "Yeah I Did That When I Was 17" douche.

Take heart, though, Chicagoans, or staunch defenders of the neoconservative academic legacy. The word "douchebag" has been used so often its meaning has been burnished to the thin edge of nonexistence.

What began as a specific reference to vaginal irrigation and became associated with wealthy, ostentatious prigs (thanks Gawker, 30 Rock, and Jon Stewart) is now used by everyone (thanks Gawker, 30 Rock, and Jon Stewart). 

Because really. Every college is full of dbags. That's why you're there. It's impossible not to be a dbag while drinking Natty Ice, developing an affectation for boat shoes, and catching swine flu from a bong.

They might has well have written a list of the Top 25 Colleges Peopled by People.

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