Now that e-mail access to Barack Obama has been severely curtailed, his old friends back in Illinois have been conniving to figure out how to get messages through to him.
Here's how we suspect they'll do it.
MAYOR DALEY: Will blink messages to Obama via Morse Code at daily press conferences.
ALEXI GIANNOULIAS: Will leave coded messages for Obama on Facebook under user name bankboy.
TONY REZKO: Has bribed White House chef to have Obama send him a birthday cake with a file in it.
ROD BLAGOJEVICH: Keeping in touch through Rahm Emanuel.
PAT QUINN: Using the Ask the White House service on U.S. government's Web site.
EMIL JONES: Attempting to get New York Times to publish a coded crossword puzzle he wrote.
BILL AYERS: Wrote his new book in secret code that all closet socialists know.
JEREMIAH WRIGHT: Relaying messages through God.
LISA MADIGAN: Relaying messages through Mike Madigan.
TODD STROGER: Doubling size of PR staff to find a solution.
OZZIE GUILLEN: Obama can hear him from there just fine.
JESSE JACKSON, JR: Is having Washington staff throw bottles with messages across the Potomac.
OPRAH: Has his new e-mail address.
