Punishing The Bean Scratcher

We've got a few ideas

Who doesn't love the Bean? Even a Millennium Park critic like myself has always made an exception for The Bean.

Just put the Bean in the middle of Millennium Park and clear out everything else and I'd be happy. I bet the rest of Chicago would too. Make our slogan "City of The Bean" and you'd get little opposition.

In fact, I think Mayor Bean sort of has a ring to it. But someone out there -- true, maybe over-enthusiastic young lovers named Peter and Ashley  -- broke the public trust.

Should he, she, or they be caught, we have some ideas for apt punishment.

- Put his/her or their faces on the Plensa Fountains, but let us spit at them.

- Put a couple of spit rods on The Bean, strap the offender/s on to the surface and slowly roast them over a fire.

- Make him/her or them use the Millennium Park parking garage every time they go downtown to reinforce their outcast status, because nobody else uses that garage.

- Originally designed for Mayor Daley's enemies, the trellis over the Gehry pavilion lawn can also serve as a rack.

- Make Peter and Ashley work for the city as restitution, including each taking a shift in the Grand Crossing district.

- Welcome to life on the city's boot crew!

- Go through Todd Stroger's budget line by line and correct all the math errors.

- Pay off damages by working as towel boy/girl at the showers of the McDonald's Cycle Center. Also responsible for filling all bike tires with optimum amount of air.

- Introducing the new Millennium Park Acid Dunk Tank.

- Beans for dinner every night for a year.

Copyright FREEL - NBC Local Media
Contact Us