Pols Take The Fourth

How they'll celebrate

Our best guess as to how our political luminaries will spend the Fourth of July weekend.

- Richard M. Daley: Denies knowing anything about fireworks contract going to nephew.

- Pat Quinn: Hasn't decided yet.

- Rod Blagojevich: Home mysteriously burns to ground in fireworks "accident."

- Patti Blagojevich: Hitchhikes Appalachian Trail with John Salley.

- Patrick Fitzgerald: Puts on John Phillip Sousa while writing up new round of indictments.

- Michael Madigan: Plots impeachment proceedings against Quinn while eating corn on the cob.

- Todd Stroger: Begs not to be taken to Cook County ER after hurting himself in a sparkler incident.

- Roland Burris: Amends earlier statement saying he wanted cheese on that burger; your fault for not asking right.

- Barack Obama: Will return home to visit the Taste of Chicago and pretend to like food.

- Dick Durbin: "The banks own this holiday!"

- Alexi Giannoulias: Lets Bright Start funds ride on Papa's Mustache in the fourth.

- Lisa Madigan: Announces exploratory committee to search her soul and pass the potato salad.

- Pat Ryan: Buys Olympic insurance policy from GEICO.

- Citizens: Plugging parking meters because they are now in effect on holidays, too, thanks to the mayor's brilliant dealmaking.

Steve Rhodes is the proprietor of The Beachwood Reporter, a Chicago-centric news and culture review.

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