Police Hunt Down Old-School Pervs

Stay home and get with the times, guys

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    NEWSLETTERS

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    Despite our modern era of social media and advanced technology, some things will never change. Including perverts.

    Despite our modern era of social media and advanced technology, some things will never change.

    Including perverts.

    A man in McKinley Park is taking advantage of the warmer weather and is letting the sun shine where it normally doesn't, according to WBBM News Radio.

    Police want South Siders to be on the lookout for a white male—25-30 years old, about 5-foot-7, 160 pounds, with medium-length hair—who indecently exposed himself on February 27. Authorities say the incident took place on 33rd Street between Damen and Archer Avenues.

    So, keep watch, just not too closely.

    Moving on from the exhibitionists to the voyeurs, an Illinois Department of Transportation (IDOT) civil engineer is facing charges of disorderly conduct, reports the Sun-Times.

    James A. Stumpner, 48, was arrested early Monday morning after police said they caught him looking into a woman's apartment near Ackman and Randall Roads in Crystal Lake.

    This wasn't his first offense either. Local police said they had received multiple peeping-Tom complaints at the same apartment complex, according to the Daily Herald.

    Officials said Stumpner confessed to peeking into windows at least two other times.

    Seriously, guys? Indecent public exposure? Peeping Tom?

    As the popular Broadway musical Avenue Q reminds us, "The Internet is for porn!" (adult-language warning)

    Really, lads (and ladies), there are thousands of consenting adults and websites out there that cater to every twisted whim in the alphabet, from A to XXX. So stay home, log on, and leave us (sometimes) innocent bystanders alone.

    Matt Bartosik is a Chicago native and a social media sovereign.